A Leaf In The Storm
by slipofthetongue
Summary: Kakasaku. Two words. That was all it took to shatter her entire being. Because they were words that she thought never hear again. He's back.
1. Two Words

With a shuttering sigh, Sakura collapsed into the chair like gravity had finally won the battle. The old wood groaned underneath the burden but held with stubbornness like Konoha's spirit. Her feet had gone numb hours ago, leaving behind a numbness any medic yearned for after a 14 hour day. Her neck was so stiff if felt as if it would break under the pressure and fall clean off her shoulders; hands burning like they've been stuck in a blazing fire. So much chakra use. Too much. A medic should know her limits and stop before irrevocable damage was done to her body. But Sakura flew past that barrier at 7:00am and hadn't looked back. How could she? Not when her country men lay dying in front of her; eyes turned up to meet her with silent pleas in their eyes.

There was a time not too long ago medic-nin were a dime a dozen but that was no longer the case. So many had died in the war that Sakura had only a precious 20 under the payroll. That outnumbered soldiers to medic 45-1. It was a staggering difference which took its toll in the medic's health both mentally and physically.

Sakura leaned forward onto the desk, letting her head fall into her hands. She was exhausted and heart heavy with the loss of a patient who barely passed for 15 years old. So young, too young to know what is was to truly live. But such was the life of shinobi. She pressed the heels of her palms deep into her eyes, anything to forget the sight of blood and dead eyes. Hearing the bodies last breathe exhaled before death. Terrifying how close all of them came to that fate. How many people have walked out that gate only to return on a stretcher?

How many never made it back?

With unfocused eyes, Sakura broke out of her darker thoughts and opened the file before her.

Not only had she the responsibility to save lives, Tsunade-sama had promoted her to chief in medicine immediately following Shizune's death. Sakura knew she had barely qualified for the position, as result it was almost a year before she felt competent leading such an important team. At 25, she was the youngest in history to ever hold the title, man or woman. But at least a desk job gave her a chance to rest her aching feet for brief moments throughout the day.

The words detailing the treatment of Kiba Inuzuka during his stay seemed to blur together into a mess of black and white. Sakura rapidly blinked her eyes in an attempt to focus, giving a firm shake of her head to keep awake.

_Patient admitted with severe bleeding from laceration to left pectoral. Clean cut; no foreign material residing. Simple procedure, little chakra required. Medic Aiko Kei. No casualties_.

Sakura's lips tilted up in resemblance to a smile. Kiba alive and well was essential to Konoha and to herself. Not just because they needed every shinobi they could get, but that she counted him a friend. They grew up together back in the academy days, laughed together and now with both Naruto and Sasuke were on a mission to the east, life had gotten quite lonely.

A knock on the door echoed loudly in the quiet room, jolting Sakura from her memories.

Sakura cleared her raspy throat; "Come in."

The larger oak door creaked open and Ino slide into the room. Her childhood friend looked just as drained as everyone else; she hadn't even styled her hair that day which was unusual behavior for the self proclaimed 'girly girl'. Long blonde locks had been thrown up into a haphazard pony tail, lips stained pink with lip gross and nails, short and well manicured but painted neon pink.

At one time, Sakura would have hated this girl for her beauty but it had been a long time since she felt any jealousy or animosity towards her old arch-enemy. Instead the two had grown quite close over the years and even more so once Ino appealed for apprenticeship. Sakura remembered being surprised at the request but eager to take on the teaching role, though Ino remained firm in her refusal to address Sakura as sensei and, in turn, Sakura didn't push the issue.

It had taken time and quite a few arguments but finally Sakura was able to train Ino in the way of a Medic-Nin. The blonde kunoichi had talent and determination and soon found a place in the hospital as a valuable part of the team. Even though her temper often resulted in numerous complaints from patients, something Sakura herself could be blamed for as well.

The blonde looked in danger of developing an aneurism now.

"Aiko is a bitch!" Ino seethed, slamming the door with enough force to rattle the glass of the bookcases. Sakura took hold of the glass of water before her before it could spill over.

Sakura found the strength for a dramatic eye roll. Foolish of her to hope to go one day without Ino's hysterical mood swings. The girl changed her disposition as much as she changed her lip gloss color.

"I thought you liked Aiko." Sakura sighed. "You bonded over that latest issue of Miss Konoha superstar."

Ino sent a piercing glare in Sakura's direction for even bringing it up. "That was before she threw herself all of Shikamaru! Really, the whore was one step away from sticking her hands inside his pants to find the goodies!" She followed up this interesting remark but tossing her paperwork into Sakura's lap.

"Guy was a prick," Ino gestured to the folder of her recent patient. "Kept looking at my tits and rubbing himself when my back was turned."

Sakura shuddered with sympathy, knowing full well how many creepy guys existed in the world. She glanced over the report and happily found everything in order. With a quick signature, Sakura confirmed the paperwork and tossed it into the 'complete' pile. Unfortunately, at present, the 'complete' stack was tragically unmatched by the 'incomplete, get your ass on it' pile. Looks like another late night. Again.

"Hey, think I could ask a favor?" Ino grinned, flopping herself down in one of the visitors chairs situated in front of Sakura's desk.

"If you remove your head from your ass and take a look at the state of my desk, you'd see that I fresh out of favors."

Ino groaned dramatically and slumped further into her seat. "But I really need a day off! I'm bound to turn into you if I don't have some semblance of a life."

Sakura was irritated enough to rise to the bait. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"As if you don't know." Ino mumbled, casually cleaning under her nails and flicking away whatever was to be found. "It's not as if you're socialite of the year."

Sakura scoffed at such a ludicrous idea. "Of course not, I'm buried in paperwork! I won't get out of this accursed place until eleven and the idea of spending what free time I do have at some dingy night club doesn't really appeal to me. So thanks but no thanks."

Not that she relished in the idea of going home either. Perhaps the lights and pounding music of the bar would serve her better than going home only to partake in yet another argument with her on again off again boyfriend Kai. Her head was still pounding from last night's alteration. Apparently he thought her _frigid_ in the bedroom. Sakura herself could honestly admit to not enjoying Kai's most sensual love-making. Sarcasm is a useful tool.

But perhaps it wasn't entirely his fault that Sakura was so unresponsive. He did have stiff competition, no pun intended, with lovers of past. But those memories opened savage wounds that had no hope of ever completely healing, so she refused to think of them. Her hand twitched to search the drawer behind her for that wore out photo of a previous life and it took all her power not to give in.

It took her a moment to realize that Ino had continued their conversation, blissfully unaware she was the only one partaking in it. "Sorry; what?" Sakura asked.

The blonde arched her eyebrow in irritation. "If you're not going to listen to me than why do I even bother?"

_I'm asking myself the same question. _Sakura mused. "Get to work. I've got things to do, important things."

Ino groaned as she forced her tired limps up and out of her comfortable seat. "Fine, but will you consider my favor?"

"I'll consider it, yes." Sakura mumbled, trying to rub some feeling back into her fingers but failing miserably. She should really take it easy the next couple of days else she damage her nerves completely. They hadn't stopped shaking in the last 3 hours, so she could tell how very close to that outcome she actually was.

"Go home, get some sleep. Or get some Kai," Ino tossed over her shoulder with a laugh on the way to the exit. "That'll loosen you up."

"Mm hmm." Sakura mumbled, not listening in the slightest to what nonsense now spewed from that women's mouth. She distantly heard the door shut, closing her off once again into a prison of her one making. The silent was deafening and depressing but she'd take it anytime over the mad scramble of the Hospital bay just a few floors below her. She didn't know how long she had until it would need her again but it wouldn't be nearly long enough.

Night time descended in Konoha and with it revealed the city's scandalous underbelly. Sakura's apartment was on the east side, which forced her to pass all strip of bars and nightclubs every day after work. It didn't take very long for the drunken hollering and whistling to become old and she was at the stage now where she didn't pay them any mind. They knew what she was capable of and if they didn't, someone would let them know. That or get their nose broken.

Besides, they deserved to get a little down time. Moments such as these were few and far between even for civilians. If they chose to spend their money on beer of strippers, then that was their decision. It wasn't as if there was much of anything else to do. The war with Orochimaru and the Akatsuki was a brutal one. Most of Konoha had been destroyed as a result and it had taken them a while to even begin to return to normal but still the scars remained.

Sakura clutched the lapels of her jacket closer to battle the sharp wind. Already her ears were pins and needles and she still had a 10 minute walk ahead of her. If she had any chakra to spare she would leap over buildings and arrive is 3 but alas all had been spent.

She wondered briefly if Kai would marvel her with his presence that evening but chances are he would pass out in the bar yet again and his friends would carry his sorry ass to their place. It was rare not to find Kai pissed drunk these days. He lost his twin two months; the severing of that bond had snapped something inside him. He was so altered that she didn't know him any longer, and rightly so. Kira had been a beautiful woman inside and out and she would be sorely missed.

In a healthy relationship, Sakura wouldn't breathe a sigh of relief not to see Kai that night, but their situation had never really ever been healthy. Both parties would be honest about that at least. Kai only stayed with her because of Sakura's income, and she stayed for the companionship and lessoning of the hollowing loneliness. Both sins in their own right.

She slid the key into the lock of her 3rd floor apartment. Everything was swallowed up in darkness and as she fumbled with the light switch sharp claws attacked her legs through her scrubs. She cursed loudly in surprise, "Damn it, Mushi!"

The lights came on and Sakura watched the fat black and white cat scramble around the corner to safety. She set her purse down heavily on the small side table, "Stupid cat." The creature was evil. Besides for attacking everyone, he completely demolished her old sofa and pissed on her carpet.

Mumbling to herself why she even kept the animal, Sakura flicked on the light to her small but cozy kitchen and begun the search for food. Having not been grocery shopping for some weeks, it was slim pickings. She finally settled for dry cereal and yogurt half eaten the day before and collapsed onto her sofa in the main room.

The music pounding from the club just down the street kept her awake most nights but tonight it was a welcomed familiarity. Since she didn't see the need for a TV as she was hardly home to use it, people laughing and enjoying their lives became a source of entertainment. Just then a woman screamed at the top of her lungs that her boyfriend was a scumbag for cheating on her with her best friend. The boyfriends reply was he didn't get what he needed from her so he looked somewhere else. A scuffle echoed into Sakura's apartment followed closely by police shouting at them to break it up.

Sakura smiled, stuffing her face with cereal, at least she and Kai weren't the only ones with problems.

"And how are you doing today Matuki-san?" Sakura asked politely, trying and failing to keep the resignation from bleeding through into her tone.

The grizzled old man lying on the hospital bed before her, snapped his glare in her direction and she braced herself for the scolding to come.

"About time you showed up!" He barked, "I've been waiting here for over an hour!"

Sakura strived for patience."I know that, but there other patients that-"

He cut her off with a snort and jerk of his chin. "I don't care, I'm sick and it is your job to fix it! I've been a faithful tax payer of this city for 80 years and never have I been so mistreated! Are you proud of yourself; making a old man wait for relieve? I could be dying, my throat could close up at any moment! I've this pain in my left…"

Better not to respond with what Sakura really wanted to say. No, she'd already had a far share of complaints this month and Tsunade-sama had threatened to dock her pay if she received any more. No, better not call him a wrinkled up prune of a ball sack. Better not kick him out of bed and have him thrown out for chronic Munchausen syndrome.

No, better she just nod along and get him out of here as quickly as possible. So as he prattled on about all his 'problems' Sakura busied herself with faking the healing Chakra on her hands. It was a helpful tool, especially at times like this. Just create a green glow and act like your really concentrating and no one is the wiser.

In fact she was so intently focused on looking focused that she didn't hear the commotion in the hallway until someone was screaming her name.

Jolted out of her task, Sakura spun around so quickly that she lost herself for a moment with dizziness. After she centered herself again, she saw Ino standing the doorway to the room, a wide varied mixture of emotions painted across her face. Her chest heaving like she'd run miles to get here.

"Sakura," was all she whispered. And it was enough to chill Sakura to the bone.

"What?" Sakura asked breathlessly, trying to anticipate what could cause such a reaction in her friend. "Ino, what is it?"

The blonde swallowed, eyes tearing up and thick globes of it streaming down her cheeks. Now Sakura was terrified. The girl never cried. This news had to be truly awful to trigger such a reaction. And the look in Ino's eyes clarified what the woman was feeling. And it was fear. Pure, unadulterated fear.

But what next left the woman's mouth Sakura could have never predicted, never in a million words. And for a moment, Sakura's brain really didn't register the words. She must have looked a fool, frozen in her shoes, eyes blank, mouth trembling like a fish taken from the river. But how should she be expected to act when told something like this? Something that stopped her heart and yet, strangely enough, revived it again, better than it had been in a long time. Brought a spark back into her existence that even now threatened to set her on fire.

Two words. That was all it took to shatter her entire being, because they were words that she convinced herself to never hear again. It had taken a long time for her to pretend to come to terms with it. But all her work spent to glue back the pieces; it took two words to break her apart her again.

Two words.

"He's back."


	2. The Waiting Game

With the blood furiously pounding in her ear, Sakura's footsteps and all other noises sounded muffled. The buzz that came with hearing loss was her only tie to this world, her bodies gone numb. Her feet stumbled on the stairs and she felt someone's arm around her waist holding her up but couldn't bring herself to look to see who it belonged to.

She didn't see the all the people waiting in the hall, but they're eyes focused only on her. Most had an expression of pity or remorse, some curious as to what the deal was. None of it mattered. Sakura had tunnel vision as she bee lined for room 214.

Medics and patients alike had already swarmed the doorway, the only thing stopping them from entering the room the glare of one Genma Shiranui. Certainly a fearsome sight to even the most seasoned shinobi but not one that could stop her now.

Luckily, the tall quiet man saw her coming and quickly parted the seas. She could just hear him shouting at everyone to step back, or fuck off to those not immediately intimidated. She fumbled with the door handle until someone took pity on her and opened it themselves.

The room was a silent grave in relation to the zoo outside, housing only three people. Tsunade-sama, who stood silent at the bedside, hands glowing furiously in an attempt to save her patients life. Aiko the small girl with the long braid trailing down her back, eyes wide to take in the urgency of the situation. She took her eyes off her work to flash Sakura a questioning gaze, as if she didn't understand the terror in her boss's eyes.

But Sakura's gaze was only interested in one thing, one person. The man lying deathly still on the bed, skin a sickly gray color. She heard the door shut behind her, felt it nudge her gently forward as she had frozen in spot the second she had entered.

It truly was him, she marveled in stunned silence. To the untrained eye, he didn't resemble the mighty Hatake Kakashi, not in the slightest. The copy ninja had brilliant, intriguing hair that defied gravity. This man had his hair shorn down a buzz cut, only now did it grow enough to about an inch in length. The copy ninja had a body to die for, muscles toned as a result of hours of training. This stranger was so thin and frail his bones were visible beneath the skin.

This man was dying…Kakashi was dying.

"Sakura!" Tsunade screamed at her.

Something snapped inside her body and suddenly she across the room and pouring chakra into trying to mend Kakashi's punctured lungs. They were full of blood and badly damaged. She gritted her teeth, straining her body to the brink of collapse but finally the tissue knitted back together and his chest took its own of air.

Sakura's cracked lips tilted into a smile, causing the skin to bleed but she didn't care. Her legs gave out from underneath her and she crumpled to the floor. Firm hands took her under the arms and lifted her into a chair. They nudged a cool glass of water to her lips, encouraging her to drink. Sakura needed no such encouragement as her head swam with dehydration and her mouth dry as a desert. She eagerly sucked down the revitalizing liquid until no more was to be had and yet she craved it still.

The hand pushed her gently back to rest further into the chair. Sakura parted her eyes to see who her care taker was, but the fuzziness of her vision prevented her from seeing anything but a blurry mass. She did, however, take note of the darkness of the room. Somehow during the time spent healing Kakashi, hours had passed like seconds and now the night shift had taken over.

_Kakashi._

She suddenly remembered the cause of her fatigue and shot her gaze over to the bed. Furiously did she wipe her eyes to improve her vision until she could make out the subtle rise and fall of his chest. The urgency left her like air escaping a balloon and she slumped back into her seat.

_He lived! Dear God; he lived._ The words brought tears to her eyes before everything went black.

* * *

The next time Sakura awoke she found herself not in the visitor's chair in Kakashi's room, but instead in a comfortable bed. The room was black around her, making it impossible to judge the time. How long she had been asleep, she didn't know, but her aching muscles told her it had been long enough.

She felt as weak as a baby and it took her 3 attempts to finally sit up. Muscles spasmed all over her body and she knew she had taken it too far this time. It would be days before she could attempt to use her chakra again, but it might as well be years. She couldn't afford to be out of commission.

But Sakura would do again and more if it meant saving the life of a man who was once the centre of her world. The man who still meant so much to her, however she strived for the opposite. The man she and the rest of the city thought to be dead for the past four years was suddenly alive once again, no matter how damaged.

Sakura dropped her head into her hands. How was so expected to take this? Her heart and her mind were already locked into a bloody war and the man who caused all this had yet to even open his eyes. What havoc will he cause when he's up and talking?

Kai's volatile behavior would be expected to skyrocket the second he hears the rumors of the Copy Ninja's return. Especially since he knew of the history between Sakura and said ninja and already hated the man. But Sakura couldn't really blame him; after all, Hatake Kakashi wasn't easy to live up to, especially to a civilian.

Sakura groaned, her head pounding. She thought this all in her past. Yes it had ached to think of never seeing Kakashi again but the life of a shinobi left no room for regret. Not when lives depended on you. Now to have him back…where did she go from here?

The urge to see him again pushed her stiff body into motion. She fumbled her way to the door and into the brightly lit hallway. The hospital never really closed down so even now at this late hour, medics were making their rounds. Each stopped to check up on her, see if she was feeling better. She put a smile on her face and forced herself to stop to assure them that she was fine though she was anxious to leave.

The stairs to the third floor felt like a mountain Sakura had to trudge up, and she was panting with exhaustion by the time she reached the top. The level was quiet and she encountered no more people on her way to room 214. Her hands shock as she turned the handle and slipped silently into the room.

It was dark, with only the light from the moon through the window shining through. For a moment, Sakura hesitated. Frozen to ground by some unseen force, Sakura steadied herself against the door. The air was thick with tension, with suppressed emotions and the man laying there had no idea. Tears clogged her throat and broke out into a tiny sob before she held it back.

Gathering her courage, she slowly crossed the room towards the bed. And what she saw broke the dam and tears poured down her face. She sat on the edge of the bed.

He was so altered. His face, mask less to help his breathing, was ghostly pale and thin. A bandage over his sharingan hide the weapon from her but the cloth stained red with blood. And his hair; his beautiful hair. Someone had shaved it some time ago leaving about an inch or now grown out again. Sakura tenderly stroked her hair over his hair, brave only because she knew him to be in a deep coma.

"Your beautiful hair." Sakura whispered, stroking the locks as she had so many years ago, ignoring the greasy feeling.

He had been tortured, that much was clear. There were bandages covering his entire body and just as many scars. His wrists were wrapped after being rubbed raw down from manacles. He looked like he hadn't eaten in months.

Sakura caressed his cheek with her thumb and gazed down at the man who at one time, she'd thought to marry. If things had been different between them would he have never taken that mission? He would have never to have suffered if she had only…Best not to dwell. _One can't change the past_, her mother had always said.

He was just as hansom as she remembered, despite his current condition. She smiled. He never knew how hansom he was; never cared about his appearance at all or how people preserved him. But, oh, how he broke so many hearts when Sakura and him started dating. She remembered getting a stack of letters detailing their objections to the match, being scared at all the death threats. But Kakashi had only laughed and produced his own death threat letters.

Sakura had remembered back in the academy days of having a crush on her teacher. He was so charismatic despite his laziness; kind despite his nonchalance. She really couldn't help herself but she was convinced that it was just a phase; that it would pass. But it hadn't, and instead it had grown and developed to something much more.

Much to her surprise she found her feeling receipted. She remembered being so scared at first, wanting desperately to be a good girlfriend. But he made it immediately clear that he didn't expect anything of her. That was Kakashi at his best, allowing her to be herself.

God, they had no many good memories. And it felt good to think about them again without mourning his loss. She could feel Kakashi's heartbeat beneath her hand and know he was really here. That he had come back to her.

She immediately shook her head to clear such thoughts. No, things would never return to how they were. He would suffer from memories of his confinement; he wouldn't be the same carefree man. And her, she had changed so much. She had responsibilities now. She had a boyfriend. No matter their issues, she owed Kai her loyalty.

But she couldn't deny her feelings for Kakashi, either.

Sakura bowed her head, the weight of the world on her shoulders.

* * *

A few days past and Kakashi had yet to show any signs of awaking. Sakura snuck into his room to check on him daily making sure no one saw her enter of leave. That would only create more rumors, something she wanted to avoid at all costs.

His wounds were healing nicely and hopefully wouldn't leave behind visible scars. The Sharingan was damaged to the point that she doubted he'd be able to use it. But then again how many times had that happened and Kakashi had proved all of them wrong. It was a wonder why his captures hadn't just taken the eye, it being such a valuable tool.

That question and all the others would have to wait until he was awake to answer them.

It was hard to concentrate on anything else when she knew how close Kakashi was. Sakura found herself periodically staring off the space during paperwork, or worse, during conversations. How many times had she been asked if she was alright? Too many to count. It was starting to aggravate her. She needed to clear her head and get her body back in working order. Only then could she drown out all thought of Hatake Kakashi.

A knock on her window jolted her from her thoughts. She turned to see a rat face ANBU waiting behind the glass. She went quickly to the window and slid open the panel.

Immediately a gloved hand presented her with a bound scroll. Sakura accepted it and before she could murmur a thank you, they were gone. ANBU were known to be overly dramatic so she didn't think anything of his rudeness. After closing the window, she slipped off the protective band and opened the parchment.

Surprise; it was a message from the Hokage demanding her immediate presence. _Speaking of dramatic, _Sakura sighed.

* * *

Sakura took a moment to compose herself before tapping her knuckles on the wooden door of Tsunade-sama's office. She waited for the invitation and then let herself in.

It had been sometime since Sakura had been in the Hokage's office; she'd forgotten how bright it could be at this time of day. The array of windows situated behind the desk permitted the sunshine to hit every part of the room. It was so beautiful, albeit a little blinding.

The Hokage herself sat as usual behind the large wooden desk, busying herself with the mountain of scrolls. Sakura couldn't help but smile at the similarities between her and her sensei. It was scary to think just how much Sakura's behaviors and mannerisms came to mirror that of Tsunade's. Except for the drinking; Sakura never picked that up, fortunately enough.

"Sit." Tsunade replied, not bothering to look up from her paperwork.

Sakura settled herself in the chair, crossing her legs at the knee and taking the time to enjoy the sunshine on her skin. Her office really did need those beautiful wide windows; perhaps she's request to have them put in when some extra funds came around.

"You look tired." Sakura noted in an attempt to break the silence.

The blonde quickly lifted her head to glare. "Shut up; you look worse."

"Can't argue with that." Sakura sighed. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Tsunade set down her pen and folded her hands on the deck. "Just wondering how your feeling. You've been stressed to the max at the hospital and with…certain…recent developments-"

"I'm fine." was the curt reply.

Tsunade's hazel eyes softened with understanding. "You and I both know that's not the case. It's a shock to all of us, me included, to have him back. But what you must be feeling, I can't even imagine."

God, she really didn't want to talk about this. The emotions inside her were still too fresh, too unsettled to rehash everything again. Kai hadn't even addressed the issue yet, nor Ino or anyone else for that matter. All seemed happy to ignore the elephant in the room, Sakura the most eager.

"Tsunade-sama, "Sakura begun slowly, studying the floor by her foot. "I'm not sure how I'm feeling, but shock is certainly high on the list. I believed, like the rest of us, that Hatake Kakashi had died on the mission four years ago, his body never recovered. To have him back…To have him back is confusing to say the least." She wiped her eyes in trying to hide the tear that escaped.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room. Sakura sighed, "I haven't had time to let it sink in yet."

Tsunade nodded, eyes searching her students face for something, what Sakura didn't know. Maybe it was honesty. Whatever it was, the Hokage seemed satisfied with what she found. "There is another issue I'd like to discuss while I have you here."

Sakura immediately tensed up, knowing that tone to mean what the Hokage had to say wasn't going to make Sakura happy. She raised her eyebrows to signal Tsunade to continue but to let her know to proceed with caution. Sakura may still be an apprentice but she was not the gullible girl she used to be. Tsunade didn't expect blind obedience from her and she wouldn't get it.

"Kakashi's life as he knew it doesn't exist any longer."Tsunade began, but already Sakura was wincing inside and out; knowing full well what this was about. "So, therefore I have a mission for you." The blonde then held out her hand and presented a scroll.

"I no longer take missions."Sakura muttered but eventually took the scroll from her sensei's hand, albeit reluctantly.

"You're still a shinobi of this village are you not?" Tsunade snapped.

"Yes Hokage-sama." She stated, trying to shake this sinking feeling in her gut. She didn't need to read the mission to know what it entailed and although it frightened her to death, she couldn't deny a tingling sensation on her skin from excitement.

"He is homeless, unemployed and coping with the after math of his ordeal. I'm not asking that you let him stay with you," Sakura's heart skipped a beat, "Genma has already offered; at least until I can set him up in his own place. What I need you to do is check in on him periodically; see how his dealing."

Sakura swallowed the lump in throat and clutched the scroll in her fist. "Everyone knows that me and Kakashi didn't part on good terms; and besides that, I have a boyfriend."

Tsunade scoffed. "That little asshole can squirm in his seat for all I care; I've never liked that boy anyway!"

"Yes, I know that." Sakura had heard her sensei state her feelings on the relationship many times but Sakura was a grown woman who could make her own decisions. "But he's my boyfriend and it isn't right that I be so connected to another man considering that man is my ex."

"Sakura, all I need you to do is check on him. A quick 'hello; how you feeling? See you later' will suffice. You're taking this too seriously."

"…Ok, fine." Sakura said defiantly, knowing that Tsunade wasn't about to have a change of heart and arguing would be pointless and exhausting. Any medic could this 'mission', but it was so surprise why Sakura had been chosen. Tsunade always liked to see her squirm.

* * *

It was two weeks of anxious waiting before news came to her office that the patient in 214 was finally awake. Sakura had to physical grip her chair to stop herself from flying out of the office to see him but she couldn't look so eager. Aiko was his medic; she would do a perfectly fine job of treating him.

But, Sakura reasoned silently within herself, but there was also a mission to complete. Granted it didn't start until he had been released, but no one could say Sakura didn't give every task her all. Besides, she was chief of medicine in this hospital, she could see whatever patient she wanted. She had to make sure everything run smoothly, that her medics were competent in their work.

Sakura didn't hesitant any longer. She leapt out of her chair and ran to the door before forcing herself to slow down and calm herself. The long walk down to the third floor, allowed her to somewhat settle her nerves but she still leapt out of her skin when someone addressed her.

What sort of greeting was she to expect from him? Their last night together before he left for the mission was turbulent to say the least. Sakura had sobbed the rest of the night, alone in the apartment they had once shared. A month later came the news of his death.

Sakura stood outside the door to his room for God knows how long, before she had the courage to enter. The door creaked so loudly, that Sakura's heart nearly leapt out of her throat with fear. She tentatively poked her head inside.

Tsunade stood at the foot of the bed, hazel eyes cast in her direction a questioning look plainly broadcasted to the world. She properly thought Sakura was a complete idiot, behaving as such. Sakura cheeks flushed red, she knew she was acting childish, so she pushed the door open fully and finally was able to lock eyes on the real target.

Kakashi was sitting up in bed, leaning heavily against the back frame but his progress was astonishing none the less, considering he was at death's door not too long ago. His horrendous posture hadn't changed, in fact in had worsen due to his obvious fatigue.

He was looking right at her.

Sakura locked eyes with him for the first time in over four years and it felt like no time had passed at all. All those powerful feelings came rushing back and struck her like a lightning bolt. Visions of running her hands down his broad shoulders, limbs intertwined and slick with sweat. Her lips tickled with memories at how erotic it felt to press her lips to his and hear him groan with pleasure. To see him smile at her every morning; for her to love him with her entire soul.

With all this running through her head, it would seem fitting to have him lift his hand in greeting with a simple, "Yo."

Sad; really, that was all it took to make Sakura's bottom lip tremble and her eyes flooded with tears.

Tsunade blatantly cleared her throat, announcing to whoever was listening that she was still in the room. "I think I heard my name, please excuse me."

Sakura only shifted slightly to allow the woman to leave, but never broken eye contact. And when the door quickly clicked shut behind her, Sakura suffocated with the unspoken words surrounding the two. His arm came down to rest in his lap.

She noted then just how haunted his eye looked, like he'd been through hell and back to be here now. She waited in anticipation for what he would do next. His greeting was historic but plain, meant for anyone. But she wasn't just anyone.

A heavy, burdened sigh escaped him and he cast his eyes down to his hands. Sakura's heart broke into a million pieces. Was he not happy to see her? Could he not see that she was dying with happiness?

"…Kakashi?" She whispered, her voice broken with unshed tears; hands furiously ringing together; eyes pleading for understanding.

Finally he lifted his tired head and she could see tear tracks running uninterrupted down his cheek. His expression tortured; desperately seeking understanding.

Sakura crossed the room instantly. She rested on knee on the bed, her hands gently cupping his jaw. Her thumb stroked over the rough facial hair, marveling at the warmth that still came off his skin like a furnace. Kakashi always ran hot, she thought with a smile. She stubbornly prevented him from ducking his head, instead guiding it to rest into her bosom.

She cupped the back of his head, running her finger through his shortened hair. His breath burned her skin even through her lab coat, sending shivers over her body. His lashes slowly closed, body going limp and she felt his arm loop around her waist, pulling her as close as the awkward position would allow.

Sakura's tears spilled over the threshold built to bravely hold them back and rained down on the top of his head but still she held him. Nothing could have separated them at that moment. Not Naruto bursting in, not a fire alarm, not even if the roof caved in. Sakura had him back in her arms and God help anyone who tried to pry them apart.


	3. Temper

In the days following their reunion; Kakashi's health improved in leaps and bounds. Everyone on staff marveled at his physical prowess, silly girls tripping over themselves to get him whatever he needed. Poor guy looked absolutely miserable. Between the uncomfortable amount of attention he received and his hatred for hospitals, he honestly looked like he would have rather stayed in the coma.

Sakura visited him every day but kept it in a more professional setting. She forced the arms that wanted to hold him to stay stiff at her side. Tried not to let on to how fast her heart was beating every time she neared him, tried to refrain from biting her lip.

The man had always possessed a talent for turning her insides into jelly. But what had happened before could never happen again. The emotional reunion had scrambled her brains but no longer. Sakura must remember that things could never be the same again. They would be friends, but nothing more.

Kakashi seemed perfectly content with this plan. He had been just as distant from her as she from him. He kept his hands to himself and did no more than smile politely when she entered the room. Every now and then she could feel his gaze when her back was turned but that was about it. She kept telling herself that it was for the best but it still ached inside her heart.

Kai, she hadn't seen in over 3 weeks, which was a little weird. She knew that he was extremely busy. Kai was a blacksmith by trade and they were always in need of weapons so it kept him on his toes. It was normal for her to go a few days with no contact but never had it been this long. Maybe he was avoiding her? No doubt he knew of Kakashi's return by now; it was possible he was throwing a tantrum. Sakura had no complaints about the separation if that was the case.

She had enough to worry about without adding Kai's emotional distress to the mixture. More important was the fact that her hand still trembled from time to time, after shocks from Kakashi's initial treatment. She had thought that she'd be recovered by now but no such luck.

As she stepped into Kakashi's room, clip board in hand, she was caught off guard by the sight of Tsunade-sama in the room. What was more worrisome was the presence the two ANBU standing over in the corner by the window. The conversation cut off the second they saw and Sakura felt really uncomfortable, like she walked in on someone having sex.

"Tsunade-sama, I didn't know you were here." Sakura began, tone suggesting interest in what would need ANBU to be present. It must be a serious matter; Kakashi's calm demeanor didn't show anything. He didn't acknowledge she was even in the room.

Sakura felt hesitant to linger, "I can come back."

"No, you're his physician; you should hear what he has to say." Tsunade replied, gesturing to Kakashi. "Please continue."

Kakashi looked hesitant to, however. He cast the Hokage a look that clearly stated his objection to the matter but received no symphony in return. He heaved a sigh, "Start at the beginning shall I?"

Sakura quietly settled herself into the visitor's chair beside the bed and listened intently as he relayed the particulars of the mission before he was captured.

It was an A-Class mission; highest pay after ANBU and only for qualified Jounin. He had been informed that a kidnapping had taken place, a nobleman's daughter. She had been taken from her bed during the night, no ransom note was found and no leads as to who did it. It took only few days before Kakashi tracked the Missing-nin was found. Yamaguchi, originally from Lightning had killed two shinobi of wind during a mission and fled when it surfaced to be foul play. It had been a political hit on the nobleman's family, and Yamaguchi had taken the girl with the intended to kill her as a clear message, 'no one displeased Yamaguchi and came away unscathed.'

"But she girl was dead long before I got there." Kakashi whispered. "He killed her hours after the abduction; her body skinned and hung around the neck outside the cave."

Sakura cast her eyes down in remorse, for the poor girls suffering and for Kakashi having to see that. The room was silent as the information sank in.

"When were you captured?" Tsunade asked, her tone all business.

"Immediately after I discovered the hide out. They knew I was coming and were ready for me. He hit me with a jutsu that knock me out cold; instantly. Next thing I knew I woke up in a five by five cell."

"Were you in that same hideout or did they move you?"

Kakashi shock his head. "I don't know; the rock coloration was the same but that can be said for the entire sand country. There were no windows and when around me no one spoke. I was blind."

"No, its fine, you've given us enough information for a starting point at least. A team will be dispatched immediately before the trail goes cold." Tsunade signaled to the ANBU that their part in the meeting had ended. They vanished in a blink of the eye.

Sakura saw Kakashi tense up but it was so subtle that she almost missed it. Even weakened as he was, the copy ninja didn't like someone else handling his business. He liked even less the idea of a team dealing with Yamaguchi when Kakashi lay indisposed in a hospital bed.

"Well, I suppose that's it for today. I'll return for more information tomorrow when you're rested." Kakashi discreetly clenched his jaw at the statement but duly nodded and kept quiet as Tsunade left the room.

Sakura cautiously glanced up. He always took it badly when anyone died on his watch. Every shinobi did, but it had always hit Kakashi the hardest. She could see the slump of his shoulders and knew the guilt that burned in his body for not getting there in time to save the girl. Nothing could be said to ease his pain but she couldn't bear to leave him like this.

"Kakashi… "She whispered. "…You have to know that you did all you could. The girl was gone before you were even got the mission."

"I don't think I've ever seen brutality like that before."Kakashi replied, his voice dull and flat. His gaze turned away, studying something outside the window. The bandage over the Sharingan had begun to show red as the eye starting bleeding again, but she hadn't the strength to heal him.

"It's disgusting what he did to her. She had nothing to do with any of this but it's the innocent that suffer during shinobi conflict." Sakura gently sat on the edge of the bed to tend to his eye the best she could. She could feel his thigh pressing into her hip.

"I heard you have a boyfriend."

Sakura froze like a deer in headlights. Such a nonchalant thing to say and a topic she's had hoped to hold off as long as possible. She glanced down to see his expression, trying to get a judge of how he felt about such news as his tone was flat and unassuming. He could have been talking about the weather with such a tone. His face was blank. Damn him and his ability to hide from her. How many times had she wished for his poker face, even for a day?

She dropped her hands into her lap and bit her lip. "How did you…"

"Ino is very talkative, especially about things that are not her business." Kakashi lifted his eye to catch her gaze and Sakura furiously tried to climb that wall between them, anything to know what he was truly thinking.

Was he angry with her? It had only been 3 years since news came of his death and already she had moved on to someone else. Sakura certainly felt the weight of guilt in her stomach sitting with him now. It was irrational guilt, she knew that. After all, how could he expect her to not seek companionship in another? Shinobi life was a hard life. People died every day, when they least expected it. It was normal to want to feel warmth from another body on the cold nights.

She couldn't, no matter how she tried to shake the sinking feeling in her gut.

She was surprised, however, to hear a deep but oddly sarcastic chuckle escape the man beside her. She felt her heart skip a beat and her cheeks flush hot at the sound.

"Your thoughts are always so plainly written on your face." He replied, shaking his head. "Don't worry; I won't hunt him down, whoever he is. I lost that right. And I'm not blaming you for moving on; I hoped you would in fact. You were always too good for me."

The words shocked her. But it wasn't long before the surprise gave way to anger. Her heart beat raced and her teeth clenched together to withhold what she wanted to say to him at that moment. They were together for 3 years, he wasn't her first love but theirs had been the most passionate. She had thought to marry him and have children with him and he could sit there and wish her well in the arms of another man? Had she meant nothing!

She jerked to her feet, needing space to think. What she really wanted to do was punch him in the face but that wasn't an option. She stalked across the room, busying herself with folding the linen.

"Ah, that temper. I can't believe I missed it." Kakashi sighed.

"You're so full of shit." Sakura snapped, the words shooting by her defenses before she could stop them.

"…Am I?"

His calm demeanor washed over her skin like a thousand ants and snapped the precious control she had strived for. Spinning sharply on her heels she glared daggers in his directly.

"How dare you?" She seethed. "Ino tells you I'm sleeping with another man and you say you hoped as such? What the fuck does that say about me? Sitting that cell you never once wished for me? Hoped that you would get back to me. The only time you thought about me at all was picturing me fucking someone else!"

Kakashi subtly fisted the sheets at his sides. "I didn't say that."

"Then why don't you tell me what you did say, just so we're clear?"

"I said that I wasn't expecting you to wait for me, especially not that long and not after you knew of my death. I wanted you to be happy Sakura that was my only wish. And yes, I did think about you in that cell, god damn it; it was the only thing from kept me from going bat shit crazy."

"Then why…"

He through his head back against the board, gaze upward as if seeking patience from the man in the sky. When he spoke, his words went straight to her heart, "Because I had come to terms with my imprisonment. And I took solace in the fact that while I would die in there, you could live on here."

Sakura's eyes welled up after that, anger leaving her body like a waterfall. She felt terrible now, making him relive that over again. How could she think him capable of what she's accused? She cast her head down in shame. He wasn't that kind of man and even while he was being tortured he thought only of her happiness.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "God, I'm so sorry."

"I don't want you to be sorry, Sakura. You did what anyone would do, what any shinobi would do. And I don't expect anything from you now, not after want I said to you that night. But I hope that we can be friends somewhere down the line."

She turned her back to him to hide the flood of tears cascading down her cheeks. God she longed for something more, for him to want something more but that time had passed. She needed to truly move on with her life.

She owed it to both of them to be strong.

* * *

_God, she's so beautiful. _Kakashi thought but kept that comment to himself. She wouldn't appreciate him saying such things to her, and her boyfriend would even less so. Not that he gave two shits what that man would say on the matter. He could be happy for Sakura, but he wasn't required to like her boyfriend. And Kakashi hated him, even though he hadn't met him, Kakashi loathed the man.

He could still admire her quietly, and admire her he did. Her unique pink hair was tied back into a bun, though wisps of it had gone rogue and now lay gently on her face. Every so often they would tickle, or she would get nervous and mercilessly brush then back behind her ears. He had immediately noticed the puckering of skin on her temple, but the scar wasn't bold or unsightly. Instead it only added to her character. He would kiss it if only things were different between them.

He did, however, take note of how thin she was. Sakura had always been petite but not like this. She was close to anorexia and it scared him. That and the bags under her eyes said she dedicated most of her time to the hospital. Ino had kindly informed him of Sakura's promotion and Kakashi had been so proud of her. He knew she deserved it, had worked so hard for recognition and finally she got it.

But she couldn't sacrifice eating and sleeping. Her skin was pale and grayish in color sometimes when she came to him after a long treatment. He knew how much chakra she had used to save his life and though he was thankful, he noticed that she had yet to recover because of it. He hands trembled from time to time and her steps weren't always smooth. She tended to stumble over invisible objects before righting herself. He didn't like seeing her like that.

Soon, she fabricated an excuse to leave and bolted out the door like her feet were on fire. Kakashi didn't blame her. He knew how uncomfortable things were between them now and if he had the strength he would flee as quickly as she had. But his body was weak and would be for some time. He tried ever so hard to deal with that fact but as the days passed he got more and more anxious to leave.

It was a known fact that hospitals and Kakashi went together like water and oil. The sterile smell of bleach set him on edge. He had no idea how Sakura dealt with it on an everyday basis and had no interest in staying any longer than necessary. As soon as he was capable of holding crutches he was gone. It was so quiet in his room but it disturbed him that elsewhere in the same building people were fighting for their lives.

The quiet allowed him too much time to think. And thinking was someone he didn't want to do for some time or at least until he could think of anything else besides that cell. The putrid stench of urine and blood had been burnt into his nasal cavity and would remain there for some months yet; perhaps even years. He wanted so badly to bury his face into Sakura's hair and pretend it never happened but that was the cowards' way and Kakashi was not a coward. At least not in this.

Tsunade would be back tomorrow for more information and Kakashi needed the time to gather his thoughts, to outline a plan of what he would reveal and what information he would omit.

* * *

Sakura had been asleep for no more than 2 hours when a noise woke her up. Someone was in her room. She kept her eyes shut and her breathing even so as not to alert whoever it was that she knew they were there. Slowly she reached under her pillow to fist the handle of her kunai but waited for them to make the first move. Lying on her side facing the wall, she heard footsteps on the wooden floor drawing closer and closer to her bed. The mattress dipped under the weight as they knelt by the small of her back.

The person was leaning down, hand outstretched when Sakura attacked. Her arm whipped the kunai out from under the pillow and turning her body pressing the razor-sharp blade to the person's neck. She had drawn blood before she realized who it was.

"Kai, what are you doing here?" Sakura hissed, shifting her body up and dropping the kunai to a safer position. Kai clutched his neck like he was likely to bleed out, though it was only a small nick. He looked at her with anger and terror.

"Are you out of your mind?! You could have killed me!" He screeched, very unmanly for someone so large. Kai was over 230 pounds but built like a bull. Not an inch of fat on him and able to handle himself in a fight with another civilian but no match for shinobi like herself. He should have known better than to sneak up on a ninja.

"What are you doing here?" Sakura sighed, shifting herself so he was not hovering over her. She rested her back against the wall and watched him with suspicious eyes.

"Can't a man visit his own girlfriend without having a knife pulled on him?" He snapped.

"Stop being dramatic, it's the middle of the night and someone creeps into my room; of course I have a knife."

Kai grunted and processed to lie down in front of her. His blonde hair fanned out over her pillow; his leather scent permitting the room. "What are you doing?" She sighed, already knowing the answer. It would seem that Kai had giving up on his plan to ignore her and came to release some stress. But Sakura was not in mood for too many reasons to ever count.

He didn't reply in words, but simply ran his big hand up her leg and down again in what he would consider a seductive motion. But Sakura wanted nothing more than to get him out and go back to sleep. She shifted her leg up to her chest and out of reach. "You're drunk."

Kai scoffed, a fight already brewing in his hazel eyes. "When are you gonna' stop using that as an excuse?"

"When you stop drinking." mouthing each words slowly as if speaking to someone who hit their head once too often.

He shot up, the bed creaking under his weight. "Fuck you, Sakura, you know god damn well why I drink so do push your guilt back on me."

Her eyes fired up. "Guilt? What guilt?"

"That copy bastard is back in town and you feel guilty for shacking up with me while he was in cell out in Sand country." Sakura swallowed the lump in her throat and marveled at the turn of events. Of course she did feel guilt and for that reason but when the hell did Kia become so astute?

"I don't want to talk about him; he's got nothing to do with this. This has to do with you drowning yourself in beer every night to deal with your grief and it's not cool. You need to speak with someone about it. It's eating you like acid from the inside out. You're bitter now, resentful. You start bar fights at all hours and pass out on random sofas! We fight all the time because of it, and you wonder why I don't want to sleep with you?"

Kai's chest heaved with restrained anger, eyes narrow and glaring at her with a mixture of hurt and fury. She was prepared for when he lunged at her but unable to stop him. He took hold of her wrists in his meaty hands, forcing them up over her head. Sakura screamed in anger, lashing out with her foot and connecting it with his jaw. He brushed it off like it was nothing and effectively trapped her legs under him.

"Kai stop!" She screamed, straining for freedom but he was just too heavy. She growled when his lips latched onto her neck and processed to ravish her. She could feel his erection press into the juncture between her thighs and fought the bile that rose up in her mouth. How had they gotten to this point, where her boyfriend had to rape her?

His thumbs pressed into her wrist and she knew she's have bruises come morning. She finally wrestled her leg free and using what little chakra she had left, struck his dick with what little chakra reserve she had. Kai's breath left him with a whoosh and his grip loosened enough for her to bash her head into his nose and push at his chest until he flew across the room. He hit the dresser and slumped to the ground, leaving only Sakura's frantic breathing to break the silence.

She wrapped her drawn up knees into a tight embrace and sobbed gently at the turn of events. She had never thought him capable of this but apparently he was.

She didn't sleep the rest of the night, just sat up in bed, crying until she was all cried out and waiting for Kai to wake up.


	4. Release

Kai stumbled to his feet and left without a word sometime around 4:00 in the morning. Sakura watched him go with weary eyes; ready to defend herself if he tried anything again, but he knew he had been out matched. Sakura was still in shock. To think he actually thought he could rape her and she wouldn't fight back. She was a shinobi of Konoha and student of the hokage; he was a civilian for Christ sake! She should have broken more than just his noses and nut sack. But then he would be a patient and she would be under investigation. No, let his pride be the worse injury. Besides, she'll never see him again. It was safe to safe things were officially over.

Sleep was no longer an option; not even after he made his exit. So Sakura pulled herself together and dressed for work. Standing in the small bathroom under the bright light above her, she looked herself over in the mirror. She looked more haggard then usual; her eyes puffy and red from crying, hair is disarray. She couldn't go the work like this; people would ask questions; especially about the bruises on her wrists and hicky on her neck. But what little chakra she had saved over the week had been drained again to nothing because of the fight. She couldn't ask Ino to heal her else the entire village know. So long sleeves it was.

She washed her face with soap and warm water and tied her hair back into a tight bun at her neck. There, she proclaimed, no one would be able to tell the difference.

* * *

Sakura stopped just outside Kakashi's door. She could hear voices coming from inside and figured Tsunade had returned for more information. Curiosity tried to pull her in but she stood rooted to the floor. It wasn't her business no matter what Tsunade said. She knew the woman was playing games between sharing classified knowledge and giving Sakura her mission. Apparently the hokage played matchmaker on her down time but Sakura wouldn't be part of it. Both Sakura nor Kakashi approved of anyone sticking their noses where they didn't belong no matter how good intentioned it was. Kakashi had always been a private man and after living with him for 3 years, Sakura had taken a liking to that trait.

So, with a great amount of reluctance, Sakura moved away from the door and continued down the hall. She made it just a few steps before she heard the door open behind her and Tsunade called her name. Caught in the act of escape, Sakura slowly turned to face the hokage and forced smile on her face that practically screamed fake.

"Good morning, Tsunade-Sama; how are you?" Sakura clutched the clipboard against her chest; creating a makeshift shield.

Tsunade tucked her hands into the sleeves of her sweater. "Fine; busy. Kakashi should be ready for discharge in a few days."

Sakura nodded. "Yes, he's made a miraculous recovery but I worry how he'll cope after he leaves here."

"Yes; that is a worry. He's not open about it but he's got some lasting trauma and he's suffering from nightmares."

Sakura's heart ached. "Nightmares about his experience?" When Tsunade nodded, she swallowed the lump in her throat. Kakashi wouldn't talk about it unless it pertained to the mission and she could guess a huge part of his nightmare would be the sight of that girl hanging outside the cave. She shivered just thinking about it. "Did he tell you how he managed to escape?"

"It was a girl apparently, who had been charged with feeding him. She let him out and helped him to a neighboring village where he was identified and brought home. The girl was never found."

"A girl? Why would she do that?"

"He doesn't know." Tsunade sighed. "He couldn't even give us a description because he was so far gone. No doubt Yamaguchi killed her the second he noticed Kakashi gone but we won't know for sure until ANBU can track down the cave. But on a different note, Genma has been given a mission and leaves today for the west. Kakashi will be staying all alone in the apartment so you'll have to check on him more often."

Sakura bit her lip and nodded. Kakashi was an elite shinobi who could take care of himself and would hate the idea of a babysitter but she better than to argue. She'd just have to explain her mission to him and hope he wouldn't put up a fight.

Sakura watched Tsunade leave before she gently rapped her knuckles against the door. The room had a chill that hit her like a wall and she gasped at the feel of it against her face. Kakashi had apparently felt the need to open the window but she rushed across the room to slam it shut, rubbing her arms to chase away the chill.

"Are you out of your mind?" She demanded, frowning with disapproval. "It's December. You'll only make yourself sick and be stuck in here longer."

Kakashi was lying on his side towards her but his eye was buried deep into the pillow. The sheets were pushed down off him until it had fallen to the floor by her feet. She bent to pick it up and set it on the edge of the bed.

"It was always so hot in the cave that I like the cold now." He mumbled almost to himself but Sakura was able to catch it. He probably just said it to get her to shut up, because she knew he loved it when she used to go on her health rants. But it still made her guilty for snapping at him.

It made sense to crave the cold when you spent the last few years burning alive under the desert heat. But it would delay his recovery and that was something Sakura wouldn't allow. She approached him, dragging with her a chair to sit next to the bed.

"I'll get you fan." She replied, gently peeling the bandage off his sharingan.

"Can you try to open the eye please?" He struggled to, as he found it extremely painful but managed to part his eyelids far enough for Sakura to get a look. His whites were all red from blood; the sharingan itself was almost completely covered over. She did note that the eye itself wasn't completely damaged but knew vision would be decreased severely. When his eye began to water and jaw clenched with unspoken pain, she let him close it. She gently washed it with clean linen that rested on the table beside the bed and set a new bandage over it. He reached up to adjust the cloth before Sakura scolded him for touching it.

She sat back in the chair and crossed her legs. "Kakashi, why didn't they take the eye?"

He gently shook his head to say he didn't want to talk about it before reaching down for the sheet. Sakura helped him when he couldn't find it, placing it over him and tucked him in. His skin had been cold where it came into contact with her fingers and she wanted find a bigger blanket. She had a horrible habit of worrying over him far too much and reminded herself to stop. But she couldn't help it; not when she'd seen him so close to death.

"My ass was getting cold." He sighed finally, snuggling deep into the warmth that had just despised.

Sakura felt a smile break over her face and gave a laugh. "It's a very nice ass and I'm sure plenty of innocent girls saw it when I opened the door. You'll have more admirers by lunch time."

Kakashi groaned heavily with despair at the prospect. "I can't cope with the ones I have now."

Sakura shook her head with mock disgust. "Arrogant man. Soon you'll have a Harlem of pretty girls shacked up in your house; you'll have to get them to wear name tags to tell them apart and keep them in the basement."

"Thing number 1, thing number 2 and so on." Kakashi groaned as he rolled over to his back, nestling his head into the pillow. "But that won't work. I don't have a job, how will I feed them?"

Sakura laughed, enjoying this old game. "You'll survive on truelove, you'll need little else."

"But there's also the problem of me being currently homeless. But I suppose love will keep us warm as well." Kakashi sighed, his expression entirely serious as if this was a real problem.

"That and the fact Genma won't be too divested at the idea of living with a dozen naked woman."

Kakashi snapped his head towards her so quickly that Sakura jumped in her seat, his eye casting a death glare. "How dare you even suggest that? They are my whores!"

Sakura couldn't contain her laughter anymore and let it bubble over until she clenched her stomach and using her shoulder to whip away tears. In that moment, anything about Kai was forgotten, all of her other concerned were inconsequential. She hadn't laughed this hard for four years and her muscles ached trying to remember how to.

When the episode was over she finally noticed the look Kakashi was giving her. His lips were curved into a boyish grin displaying the adorable dimple in his cheek. The heat in his eyes made her face flush pink and belly quiver. It was an expression that clearly said he would pull her into bed and take her if he had the strength. Her heart raced at the images of that fantasy played out in her mind. She wondered if he would still taste the same if she kissed his lips…

She cast her eyes down and cleared her throat. "Yes, well…"

"I hear you're to be my babysitter." Kakashi replied suddenly as if the heat was never there. She was thankful for the subject to drop; avoiding where the thoughts of both parties had headed.

Sakura cast him a pleading look. "Stop it; you know if it were up to me-"

"I do know", cutting her off. "If it was up to you I don't doubt you'd be pleased never to see me again."

"That's not true." Sakura snapped, hurt that he would even think like that but soon noticed the expression on his face. He was laughing at her.

"You make it too easy, Sakura." Kakashi chuckled, apparently happy with himself that he was able to bait her into losing her temper. Silly man just had to be himself in order for Sakura to yell at him, he was so irritating at times.

* * *

The time had come. Sakura gave her signature on the paperwork releasing Hatake Kakashi from the hospitals care. Genma had, thankfully left a few articles of clothing that would fit Kakashi's size. She waited outside as he dressed himself in the small bathroom and fastened the buttons on the shirt until he looked presentable. A dress shirt and blue jeans were not Kakashi's regular attire but they'd have to do. Sakura did admit he looked a bit awkward in them but hansom.

His wounds had healed up nicely, only the sever ones were still bandaged but they would cause him any trouble as long as he took it easy. The wounds on his worst as well as his sharingan were still bad and Sakura would have to keep an eye on them but otherwise Kakashi was a free man. And he looked like it wasn't a moment too soon. She practically had to jog to keep up with the length of his strides as he fled the hospital like it was on fire.

But once outside, he too it slower, pausing to tilt his head back and breathe the freeze air of his own city. The jacket was huge on him; swallowing him whole under a sea of green but it was the only one big enough in the lost and found that she could find. His hair grew like weeds and now it was long enough to be like he'd only got a haircut. She had even found him a mask but he found it stifling now and chose not to wear it.

Sakura had had no idea where Genma's apartment was before this but was surprised to find it in the building just next door to hers. Kakashi waited patiently against the wall behind her as she fumbled for the keys. He looked pale from his travels but didn't complain. She got the door open and they entered the apartment. For such a perverted man, Genma had a very nice home. Everything in its place, little notes scattered here and there to let Kakashi know how things were to be done.

Kakashi settled himself into a chair and peeled off his jacket while Sakura went into the kitchen to start some tea.

"This disturbed me more so then if there were sex toys all over the place." Kakashi remarked. "But now it's a guessing game on where he stashed them."

Sakura didn't reply, having to search the kitchen top to bottom to find a kettle. It was deep into the back of a cupboard when she found it and marveled at the design. It looked about a hundred years old and had a layer of dust covering its surface. She was hesitant to use it but tea would do Kakashi good she set to boiling water.

When she emerged back into the living room, Kakashi looked like he had fallen asleep but he opened his eye when she approached.

"You okay?" She asked, settling herself on the arm of the chair.

"Just thinking." He replied; his hand nonchalantly rested on her thigh. Sakura felt her chest tighten at such an intimate gesture but the faraway look in his eye said that he wasn't even aware he was going it. She didn't think twice to cup his hand in hers, giving him a comforting squeeze. His hand was cold but she soon warmed him. If only she could heal him on the inside as quickly.

"Kakashi, you know I'm here for you, whatever you need." She whispered in the quiet, her voice echoing off the walls. "You're not alone."

He ducked his head away but didn't remove his hand. "I don't want you to look at me differently and if you knew…"

She quickly cupped his jaw and forced his gaze back to hers. "Don't shut me out. I don't care what happened to you, or what they did, I care only about you. Do you hear me? I'm not going to push you but I hope you'll confide in me in your own time. I'm just happy you're back." She whispered, her fingers trailing the edge of his hairline, her thumb stroking his bottom lip. She knew it was wrong; she knew he would take this as a sign but she wanted only to comfort him. He looked so fragile, something she never in a million years would have thought him capable of. He had always protected her and it was her time to protect him.

He exhaled and the warm breath tickled her skin. "I'm trying." And she knew he was. Though he found it near impossible to trust anyone but if he could she would be the closest. She took pride in that; treasured that. She had in the past and she would continue to in future.

Sakura leaned forward and kissed his forehead, inhaling the masculine scent and texture of his skin. The kiss which was supposed to chaste and innocent lingered too long and was full of unspoken feelings. But she finally broke contact, pausing a moment before pulling back to a safe distance. His dark eye followed her every motion but he didn't stop her.

"Get some sleep." She whispered, walking out of the apartment before doing something they'd both regret.

* * *

Kakashi sat in the chair long after Sakura had left, his hands fisted in the fabric of the arms to stop himself from going after her. His skin burned where her lips has kissed him and lip bled from biting it to restrain himself. He craved her beneath him, knew that she'd welcome him if he confessed as much. But it would be wrong. The boyfriend had very little to do with it, though he wouldn't put Sakura in that position. No his restraint ran a lot deeper than that.

He was damaged. He woke up every night screaming if he'd even managed to sleep at all. He'd struck the medic who tried to stop him from flaying one night; giving her a bloody nose and scaring her to death. He sometimes woke from a dream and found himself standing by the open window preparing to jump. He was so angry at times that he struck himself, reopening injuries only to use what little chakra healing he possessed to cover it up again. Sakura had enough to deal with without having her worry over whether she find him hanging by the neck in the closet.

He hide all these symptoms pretty well considering, and he was sure Sakura had no idea the extent of damage there really was. He would keep it that way.

Kakashi forced his tired body out of the chair and stumbled over to the bathroom. It was a hideous olive-green color but beggars can't be choosers. He fumbled with the button of his dress shirt, his muscle memory still recovering from the manacles that nearly severed his hands. He finally had to rip the last button off when frustration came over him.

Standing naked in his friends bathroom, lights off and windows closed, he took note of all the scars on his body. Some were new but most were old. The nasty wound on his side was still raw; the black stitches against his skin disturbing but not something he was unfamiliar with. They had done a good job on healing it, whoever it was and he didn't think it would leave a scar. Though he had gain weight during his stay at the hospital he still looked like skin and bones. He'd have to get back into training as soon as he was healed.

He stepped under the hot spray and groaned with pleasure. The cascading water smoothed over all his aches and pains and he felt revitalized. He thought about Sakura and drew a fantasy from memory. Her beautiful smile. Her tight ass in his hands; perky tits bouncing triumphantly as she rode him. Hair falling over her shoulders, skin slick with sweat. He took himself in hand; the first time in four years. A few pumps and he came as quickly as an adolescent after a girl let him touch her boob. He tossed his head back, the tendons in his neck straining, mouth open with a silent cry. His knees went weak and he slumped against the wall.

After he finished, he collapsed to the tile floor, chest heavily and body aching but it had been worth it. Memory was all he had to go on and so it would be always. Things would never be the same again and he was to blame. He dropped his head into his hands and stayed under the water until it went cold before carrying his sorry ass into bed.


	5. Aftermath

Kakashi managed a meager 5 hours of sleep before the nightmare was upon him.

_He was tied to a table, cuffs on his wrist and ankles tightened to the point of agony as they dug deep into his flesh. He had given up on his silence a long time ago and his throat was raw with screams. His captors came to him with masks over their faces but Yamaguchi didn't both with such things and it was his face he saw more often than not. The man had blank eyes like something had possession of his body but his mind wasn't registering it. He was often naked. The heat was unbearable sometimes so many went shirtless but the missing-nin took it to the next level._

_He was very good at what he did. His methods of torture had been well-known before he defected and they did him justice. Kakashi would watch as Yamaguchi approached the table, gulping air through his nose, his mouth covered with a piece of leather that stank like shit. He knew what was to come and tried to prepare for it but it would do no good. The dull, jagged knife would touch his skin and Kakashi would flinch. Slowly the point of the blade would pierce the top layer of his skin and a river of blood would pool around the edge before trickling down the sides of his body. He would think of all the diseases the dirty knife would now be injecting into his body; his skin already feverish with illness because of it._

_Yamaguchi would ask him no questions; wasn't looking for anything other than the pleasure of watching the blood flow. He grew erect when his knife would hit a bone and Kakashi would groan in agony. Kakashi would close his eye to shield himself from the vision of the man furiously jerking off beside the table; and hoping to God or whoever was listening that he wouldn't be flipped over and taken from behind again._

Kakashi darted up in bed with a scream I his throat; heart beating so fast in his chest that he felt dizzy because of it. He whipped his legs over the side of the bed; taking two steps before collapsing onto the carpet. He quickly pushed himself up and ran to the toilet, making it just in time to spill his guts into the bowl. He heaved up everything he'd eaten that day until his stomach was empty and pleaded for him to stop. But he gave a few more pathetic gags until slumping back against the wall.

Kakashi fisted his short locks, yanking the strains until his scalp ached and clumps of hair came out into his hands. He squeezed his eyes shut so hard that the sharingan started bleeding again and he saw stars from the ache; but it did no good. His visions of that place were so vivid that he it was near impossible to distinguish past from present. He could smell the urine, the blood, feel the cuffs on his wrists and he furiously gripped them and ripped them off.

His whole body was trembling and his teeth knocked together so hard that he had shooting sharp pain signals coming from his jaw. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself; trying desperately to get warm. Tears were streaming down his face and he felt rage at their presence.

Everyone thought him a hero. Such a brave man; so strong to survive imprisonment and torture for four years while everyone he knew thought him dead. But he was pathetic. He screamed out under the knife; giving his captors pleasure at the sound. He pissed himself when the sessions became too savage; near the end, he pleaded with Yamaguchi to have mercy. He was no hero; he was a fucking coward. He was so pathetic.

Kakashi felt a hand on his knee and he jerked back in surprise, slamming his head hard against the tile wall. He hadn't even heard someone come into the room. He opened his eyes but only saw a fuzzy image.

"Kakashi? Are you alright?" The voice was soft; smooth of the edges and instilled in him a sense of peace. He knew the voice but his head hurt too much to remember. The hand reappeared on his knee after retracting when he pulled away. A feminine hand; there'd been no women in the cave; at least none involved in his torture.

"Can you hear me?" The pink haired lady spoke slowly; pronouncing each word so he could understand. It was Sakura. He could smell her sweet fragrance and could almost picture himself in that meadow of wild flowers. He could almost feel the long grass tickling his bare feet and sunshine warming his face without being overly hot.

"Sakura?" He croaked his throat as dry as sand and sore from screaming. It took a second but he finally escaped the vision and realized where he was. He was curled up in the corner of Genma's bathroom, vomit all over the toilet seat next to his head. He had had a nightmare. Sakura was kneeling in front of him; still in the white lab coat from the hospital; a look a deep concern on her face.

At his recognition; Sakura's lips curved up into a smile, eyes welling up with tears. "Yes, here I am. Everything's fine; you've just had a dream."

No, he thought, hanging his head in disgust, everything was not fine.

* * *

God, Sakura had never been as scared as she had been finally Kakashi curled up in the corner, shaking and crying. She never seen him like that before and it chilled him to the bone to think of what he must have gone through to bring about such trauma. He'd taken off his bandages and the wounds on his wrists were now gushing blood. He had jerked away from her touch like a wounded animal and it broke her heart.

He seemed to know her now and allowed her touch but he still looked dazed and confusion like he couldn't distinguish reality and dreams. She moved slowly, making no sudden motions that would startle him until she was able to settle in beside him. She made soothing noises, tenderly stroking his arm until some of the tension left his straining muscles. She used her sleeve to wipe his mouth before he turned away in disgust.

"I don't want your pity." He snapped.

"Don't be a fucking idiot." Sakura barked, fear morphing into frustration. "You need to talk to me, Kakashi, before this gets worse."

"How could it get worse?" He snarled like a bear. "Besides; what could you do to help me?"

Sakura flinched back like he'd thrown a fist. Stunned at his dismissal; hurt by his lack of confidence in her. "I can listen."

"I've already told Tsunade all the details; I will not speak of them again." She protested when he pushed himself to his feet but he deflected her attempt to help. "And I would appreciate your silence on this matter as well."

Sakura followed closely behind if he should stumble, regardless if he wanted her help or not. "But Tsunade knows about the nightmares…Kakashi?"

He was silent as he slid into bed and turned his back to her. She collapsed onto the edge of the mattress; her heart sinking into her stomach. "She doesn't know how bad they are; does she?"

She took his continued silence as an answer and hung her head in her hands with a groan. Great, she was now in a position she did not want to be. Stuck between her loyalty to her Hokage and the loyalty to Kakashi. A little part of her resented Kakashi for his demands; not that it was the first time he asked her cover up information. He had a nasty habit of doing that when it pertained to his health. Hell, the only time she ever found out about any problems was when she stumbled upon them by accident.

"Is this the only thing you're keeping from her? From me?" Sakura asked cautiously. "Anything about your capture or Yamaguchi that you've omitted from your report."

"I'm going to sleep now; see yourself out." He mumbled beneath the covers, but Sakura wouldn't be brushed off so easy. She climbed up onto the bed and knelt over him; apparently trying to be intimating but it had never worked in the past, why would it work now. He didn't even acknowledge her until she poked him in the hip. He sighed with frustration and rolled over on his back to glare at her. "What do you want for me, Sakura?"

"I want you to trust me, Kakashi." She replied softly; bring her soul to him in hope that he would let her in. "I may not be able to understand what you went through or how you're coping with everything now but I won't judge you. It hurts that you'd think I'd pity you and it kills me that you're hurting inside with no one to talk to."

Sakura hid her face when she could not contain the tears any longer. When did she become such a cry baby again? She heard a rustle and then felt a warm hand touch her leg in a comforting fashion.

"There's a reason I don't want to tell you what happened over there and you'll have to respect that. I know you want to help; you can't stop yourself from worrying and you've got a just reason to worry this time. This is something I have to deal with on my own; but if it will make you feel better I'll think about maybe seeing someone."

Sakura gave an eager nod; knowing this was more process then she could have ever expected. She smiled and cupped his hand between hers; bring it up to her lips.

The relationship between them was strange and confusing now a days. Sakura found an inner battle constantly between standing strong or giving into these feelings that wanted so badly to be free. She couldn't deny that a huge part of her still loved him and she was positive that he felt something for her. But, she was at a place in her life where a relationship with Kakashi couldn't work. She was weighed down by work at the hospital; worry over her nerve damage and concern for Kakashi's mental health. And he was in no state either. Ignoring the fact that they had yet to discuss what was said their last night together 4 fours ago which still festered inside her.

Sakura brought his hand down to rest in the space between her neck and shoulder. "I should go; I'm needed at the hospital." But she didn't put any force into putting that plan into motion; very much content with where she was.

"Hmm", was his reply; which said that he was content as well. He watched her through a hooded eye and she was happy to see a bit of the old Kakashi in them. His episode had passed and he even looked ready for another nap.

Against her better judgment, she found herself sliding down to lay beside him. The sun was blocked by thick black curtains; which cast a shadow over the room and made Sakura all the more aware of the male laying next to her. He had used Genma's shampoo and soap so Kakashi's unique scent was masked; it was a shame. He gave a contented sigh and snuggled closer into her; his nose nudging against hers, his breath warm on her skin.

She opened her eyes a crack when she felt his free hand brush back the hair at her temple, trailing a fingertip over her scar. "How did this happen?"

"A mission; back when I used to take missions. A fire jutsu caught me; I healed it as much as I could."

"It's not that noticeable." He whispered. "It makes you look intimating."

Sakura smiled. "Thank you, that's sweet." His hand slide down to rest between them and they fell into silence again.

She didn't mean to stay; really. She had every intention of going back to work. But it just so happened that her body chose this time to remind her how tired it was; how drained. A few hours wouldn't hurt anyone; it wasn't as if she could heal anyone in her current state. And Kakashi was so warm.

* * *

Sakura jerked awake; her head popping off the pillow. For a moment she couldn't remember where she was then she felt Kakashi sleeping beside her. She rubbed her eyes to clear her head and tried to look at the time on her watch through the darkness. Shit; it was 7:00 at night! She'd slept for almost 3 hours.

Kakashi slept on peacefully and nightmare free as she carefully slid out of bed. God; this was a mistake, how many times had she demanded herself to keep a clear head around this man and yet she'd fallen right into bed with him. Okay; not like that but still she had to be stronger in her resistance. She paused to fix her hair in the mirror before slipping out into the hallway.

The streets were dark as she made her way towards the hospital; bundling her lap coat closer to shield herself from the harsh wind. She hadn't had time to grab a proper coat when she was informed of screaming coming from Genma's apartment. She had rushed immediately over without a concern for anything else.

The hallway was busy; filled with screaming children and people waiting impatiently for their turn. They saw her, some recognizing her from previous visits, others reading the title on his name tag. But she soon found herself swarmed with angry people. Pleading for help; their baby was sick, angry about the wait, others in pain from broken bones. She warded them off gently; promising them that the staff were doing their best and would get to them as soon as they were able. When she was free, she headed for the starts toward her office.

"Haruno-Sama?" A small voice came behind her and she turned to see Aiko jogging up the hall towards her.

"Yes, Aiko, what is it." Sakura asked, pausing just before the doors to her office. "You're here late."

The girl gave a small smile, her eyes tired looking. "It's Matuki-san. He's insisting that you re-admit him; that'll he'll go to the Hokage if you don't."

Sakura groaned. She'd long lost patience with that man, having so many other things going on that she'd finally had it with his bullshit and kicked him out. He was unhappy about that, to say the least. "Let him; I've had enough of him. He's knows he's full of shit and we're short on beds as it is. Call security if he puts up a fight or causes a scene."

"Yes, Haruno-sama." Aiko bowed, said her goodbye and ran off back down the hallway. Sakura knew the girl was a talented medic albeit a little shy. It was no harm, she did her job.

Sakura watched her go with a smile playing on her lips. She had grown fawned of the girl over the last few months since Aiko started a full-time job at the hospital. She was very much like Hinata with her mannerisms and demeanor. Shy; quiet but a loyal friend to have and a talented shinobi. She had a bright future ahead of her.

But alas, Sakura had paperwork to catch up on now that she was well behind; no more reminiscing in the hallway.

She turned the latch on the door, pushing it open a crack but something caught her eye. Immediately she flew through the doorway and into the dark room. Someone had been in her office just now and Sakura spotted a black figure dart out of the window.

Sakura didn't think twice and instantly took chase. She dove through the open window, rolling to a crouching position on the ledge. Keen eyes locked onto the fleeing shape and she sprang into pursuit. She needed very little chakra to keep up with him; which she found odd but helpful.

Together the two raced clean over buildings; the prey keeping mostly to the shadows and Sakura right on his heels. Suddenly, like she'd imagined it, the figure vanished into thin air. Sakura leapt off the roof to land on a deserted street corner. No, she hadn't been chasing a phantom, he was real and she could feel him watching her. Sakura scanned the roof tops surrounding her but he was gone.

Then suddenly he reappeared. Sakura fisted her hands; ready for an attack. She may not have the capability of super human strength but she could still fight. But, as she waited, it became clear that whoever he was he hadn't come looking for a battle. No, he'd been interested in information.

"Who are you?" Sakura demanded, her voice echoing off the walls around her. There was no reply, not that she expected one. But he was sending her a message, making sure she saw him, toying with her. She was not in the mood for games; but as she tensed to initial the attack, he vanished for real. She could no longer feel his gaze or presence.

Jaw clenched, she dropped her fists and pondered her visitor as she made the trek in silence back to the hospital. Already the chase had left her drained and she doubted it had even been worth it.

When she got back to the office she was confronted with a huge mess. The cabinets of classified files were strewn about without care, book cases pushed over; all her of her things broken and tossed aside. There was, however one file laid out perfectly open on her desk. The file that the visitor had been after apparently. He'd made it clear to her, but the why she still had trouble discovering.

A picture of Kakashi greeted her, his file detailing all the wounds found on his body the day of admittance. She collapsed into the chair with a sigh. The news of the copy ninja's resurrection had spread like wildfire to all shinobi villages but she could think of only one man who had the most to gain from the knowledge.

Had Yamaguchi come for Kakashi once again; and if so, what kind of war had the copy ninja brought to their doorsteps?


	6. Trouble

As soon as the Hokage had time to see her, Sakura had rushed over to report the events of the previous night. As she listened, Tsunade's brow frowned deeper and deeper, clearly disturbed by what she was hearing.

"And you didn't manage to get a good look at him?"She asked, folding her hands and resting them against her lips in thought.

Sakura shook her head, "He wore a mask and no village insignia, at least what I could see. But his message was clear." Thinking back to how he flaunted his presence, Sakura felt her body flush with anger. "He could have gotten his information and left before I entered the room, I know he heard me coming. The fact that he lingered told me he wanted to be sure he was seen. That means he's trying to bait us somehow; put us on edge."

Tsunade nodded. "Yes, but unfortunately we must play into his hands in this circumstance. The gates must be heavily monitored going forward."

Sakura doubted that would make little to any difference to a trained shinobi. It wasn't like the guards had been sleeping on the job last night and he still got past.

"But we'll keep in quiet." Tsunade continued; hazel eyes sharp as a plan began to form in her head. "Life will go on as usual, see what he does next."

"He was working for Yamaguchi, guaranteed." Sakura stated.

"There's no definitive prove who the shinobi was working for, but I have a feeling you're right. It isn't surprising that the man would hunt Kakashi down again. Considering the length he kept Kakashi alive despite clear reason to kill him, it makes me suspect he had a plan. And that plan was spoiled when Kakashi got free."

"Has Kakashi told you any more information about the girl who released him?" Sakura asked.

"No, he claims not to have gotten a good look at her. Why, what are you thinking?" Tsunade's eyes narrowed.

Sakura sighed, rubbing the ache from her eyes. She hadn't slept very well last night; her thoughts had kept her wide awake. Her brain trying to replay every single detail of her encounter in search of any clue as to what the intruders real motives were. The concern for Kakashi's mental health was weighing heavily on her mind as well.

"I don't know. I just can't wrap my head around this girls reasoning." Sakura frowned, that familiar stench of bullshit wafting around the whole issue.

"Well, either she was just a civilian and had a sudden onslaught of guilt or she is shinobi with a sudden onslaught of guilt; that's the only logical reason."

"But it just doesn't feel right. Shinobi rarely, if ever, become emotionally involved with the enemy and a civilian wouldn't be stupid enough to risk Yamaguchi's wrath. She had to have known that she would be caught and, chances are, Yamaguchi has already disposed of her." Sakura shuttered, remembering Kakashi's vivid detail of finding the Nobleman's daughter skinned alive and hung by the neck. If this method of death was Yamaguchi's favorite, he truly was a sick man. And regardless of this girl' intentions, she was able to get Kakashi home which Sakura felt immense gratitude for.

"Then what do you think truly happened?"

Sakura had played the scenarios out in her head, twisting the situation around and around to get all the angles. But no matter how hard she tried she couldn't think of any. Sakura still doubted the girls' motivations, however. Maybe it had to do with her being a shinobi herself. If Sakura was in the same position as the girl and an enemy was being tortured right in front of her would she break him loose? Sakura thought on that situation for a moment before concluding the decision to be more difficult then she had thought.

"I don't know, but the question is, what do we tell Kakashi?"

"Everything." Tsunade replied.

Sakura opened her mouth in quiet shock. "But, he is dealing with enough as it is anything more will push him over the edge. Do you really think he won't go on a rogue mission for revenge the second he hears Yamaguchi may be in Leaf country? He's not even close to being healthy; physical or emotionally and he'll be killed if he confronts them now!"

Tsunade's eyes narrowed, displaying far too much insight into Sakura and Kakashi's confusing relationship. "What would you have me do; tell him nothing?"

Sakura bit her lip, shaking her head. "No, I'll tell him. Just give me time; let's know for sure if it really is Yamaguchi before we get ahead of ourselves."

* * *

Kakashi decided that two days stuck in an apartment was more than enough time to contract plenty of courage to emerge back into Konoha life. He showered, shaved and stole some of Genma's clothes. Civilian clothes had never been his first chose; much preferring to wear his uniform, but, considering he wasn't currently registered as a Jounin of Konoha, civilian clothes here he came. It certainly felt strange to dress in a white t-shirt and yoga pants, but they were quite comfortable really. He even managed to find a headband and a mask; which he felt much better about wearing.

He threw on a jacket before he locked the door behind him and strolled down the stairs. He smiled casually at anyone he encountered; waved his hand at some of the old acquaintances. They waved back, happy to see him; murmuring to their companions who he was and the rumors they've heard. Luckily Kakashi was well versed in ignoring the gossip or he might have become self conscious. Yet he was determined to act nonchalant about the whole thing and go about his business.

Which at present, the most urgent business was getting his hand on an Icha Icha Paradise. Striding into the old book shop felt like coming home. He paused in the doorway and inhaled the smell of dust and ink with a smile. He walked eagerly to the back and behind the curtain hiding such smut from the other shoppers' sensitive eyes. He almost squealed in happiness seeing all those orange covers but decided such a reaction would be very unmanly. He trailed his finger tip over the spins like a man would touch his lover. There had been 4 new released during his time away and though he was eager to read them all- he could only afford one. Tsunade wouldn't be very pleased if she knew what he was spending his allowance on.

The cashier was new maybe a son of the older man who used to run the place. The boy looked at the book and then at Kakashi's charming smile but didn't commit. Kakashi declined a bag and paid the man.

The sun was bright in the blue sky, giving the illusion of warmth but in fact it was quite chilly. It snowed a bit the previous night and a layer of white dusted the roof tops. He strolled out into the street, book in hand. Perhaps it was time to get something to eat. The food at the hospital was worse than the food in the prison, so Kakashi had reverend from consuming it as much as he could. Genma's kitchen was full of vegetables and health food, which was eatable but not Kakashi's cup of tea. No, he needed salt and fatty meat. Ramen Ichiraku would be just the ticket.

The savory aroma caught his attention from down the street and made his mouth water. As he parted the curtains, he almost expected to see Naruto perched atop the stool at the counter. But Sakura had informed him the blonde man was out west on a mission with Sasuke and weren't expected to return for some time. A pity; he missed his old students and had hoped to see them but he guessed he'd have to be patient.

"Ooh, hoo hoo! Kakashi-san; you've come back to us!" Teuchi beamed waving the knife he's been using to cut vegetables in greeting. "Couldn't stay away for long, I see. I knew it."

Kakashi's eye curved in a smile as he slid on the stool. "Four years isn't long enough for you, hmm?"

The older man scoffed at such a statement; his knife returning to his work. "You were well missed, Kakashi-san, many people happy to have you back."

Kakashi kept his smile. "Is there a welcome home discount, then?"

Teuchi just laughed with a shake of his head. Well, that was his answer then, pity. "In that case I'll have Ichiraku miso ramen." Kakashi replied, crossing his ankles and flipping to the first page of his book. It was comfortable, the sizzle of the stove, Teuchi's enthusiastic humming and the sound of metal on metal as the knives chopped the ingredients. He couldn't count all the times that Team 7 gathered under this room after a mission or training session. Of course, this wasn't the original shop but a replica built just down the street after the original had been destroyed.

He sat in comfortable silence as his meal was prepared. But soon he heard the footsteps of an approaching customer and sighed heavily as his peace was able to be disturbed.

"Kakashi-san! I didn't know you were out of the hospital yet?" The sound of Iruka wasn't so unwelcome, Kakashi thought. The man climbed into a stool next to him and Kakashi came face to face with a very old friend for the first time in four years. The brunette hadn't changed at all. He had the same cheery disposition; the same scar and even the same ponytail. Kakashi did notice a wedding ring on his finger; that was certainly different.

"Yep, I seem to have a knack for breaking free."

Iruka swallowed, poor man seemed to be debating whether or not it was polite to bring up that topic. Finally he decided against it; something Kakashi was truly grateful for. Iruka gave his order and settled into his seat.

"Where are you staying?" He asked.

"Genma's." Kakashi replied, flipping through his book. "When did he become a health nut? The man survives on lettuce and walnuts."

Iruka gave a chuckle. "He says the ladies like it; but everyone knows he has his eye on one lady in particular."

"Speaking of; I suppose congratulations are in order." He gestured to the gold ring. Iruka smiled and twirled it with his thumb unconsciously like he'd done it a thousand times before.

"Thanks. It's been 2 years. Her name is Natsuki." Iruka whispered-his tone full of love. Kakashi couldn't help but be happy for his old friend; especially when he appeared to care so deeply for this woman. He knew how it felt after all; having experienced such a love himself.

"Good for you." Kakashi sighed and eagerly accepted his steaming bowl of goodness. He closed his eyes to further enjoy the aroma before clicking together his chop sticks and digging in- after removing his mask of course. Iruka had seen his face plenty of times and Kakashi had only really ever 'hid' his face from Team 7 when they were younger because it pissed them off so much.

"How are you and Sakura doing?" Iruka asked.

If it hadn't inspired an ache in his chest so much, Kakashi would have laughed in irony at such a weighted question. He had seen the pink haired woman for maybe ten minutes in the past two days. He would have liked to blame her working schedule for the absence but knew better. Sakura had been scared off after waking up and finding herself in bed with him. He could admit to himself that the event had put him on edge as well, but probably not for the same reasons. He found the prospect of sharing his bed with Sakura stimulating albeit unnerving. He couldn't help but long for old times again, and think of all the cold lonely nights spent without her beside him. He slept peacefully when she was around; not plagued with nightmares.

But he had to remind himself that it wasn't like old times. Sakura had a boyfriend now and it was wrong of him to put her in that position. Sure she was a grown woman who could make decisions for herself but he knew he was making things difficult for her. It would have been better for them not to have this constant contact with each other but until her mission was completed he'd have to distance himself as much as possible.

If it was the right thing to do, why was his heart screaming at him that it was wrong?

But all Kakashi replied was, "Fine."

Iruka cast him a skeptical glance over the rim of his bowl. "Rumors say that you've picked up right where you left off."

Considering where they left off, Kakashi scoffed at the idea. "You know better than to listen to rumors."

"Yes but-"

"Enough." The curt reply effectively ending the conversation.

* * *

It was dark when Sakura left the office; exhausted from her long day. On the plus side, she could feel her chakra steadily growing within her and her fingers didn't ache as much. She had been able to do small healing procedures today but only small cuts and things of that nature. She was fearful to overdo it again else she ever experience the frustration of uselessness again.

It was also brought to her attention that at least 12 new medics had passed exams and were to start full time next week at the hospital. That good news couldn't have come at a better time, when all her current medics were on the brink of collapse. And to add to the elation, enough funding had come in to allow for her new windows and have plenty left over for all the repairs to the hospital. Safe to say she had a bit of bounce in her step; (hypothetically of course as her feet still hurt). And a huge weight fell from her shoulders making her want to cry with relief.

When someone called her name; she didn't even flinch in concern of what they would want from her, she just turned around. It was a male, a familiar face though she couldn't remember a name. He was one of Kai's friends and looked to be heavily in to his spirits tonight if his stumbling was any indication. Though he had never been rude to her or caused for any unease in the past, Sakura hesitate only because he was loyal to Kai.

"What is it?" She called out, not moving from her spot on the sidewalk.

"Kai's in trouble, he's pissed off this guy and they are about to fight. Come and kick this guys ass please, Kai asks." He slurred his words so badly that she had trouble understanding him and when she did register that he said she laughed out loud at the idea.

"Kai's a big boy, if he's going to talk big boy words he's going to have to back them up. I'm not fighting his battles." Sakura replied, stuffing her hands into his pockets and moving with the intent to head home and climb into a warm bed. She made it two steps before shouts rang off that a fight had broken off in the bar.

She clenched her teeth, telling herself to ignore it that it had nothing to do with her. Then how the hell had she ended up pushing her way through the sea of bodies toward the centre. Two men were given a wide circle in which to fight, if that was what you wanted to call it. Sakura thought it was awful messy, the two participants being extremely drunk and throwing fists haphazardly. With all the blood currently pouring from Kai's nose; he was losing.

"Break it up!" Sakura called, taking hold of Kai's shirt and yanking him back. When his opponent shot forward to continue the brawl, Sakura put a hand on his chest and gave a firm push, sending him flying backwards into the crowd.

Kai struggled against her hold, apparently angry that she was able to contain him so easily despite him behind almost double her size. "Stop; you've done enough." She hissed.

His opponent emerged from the crowd, red with anger; fists clenching like he wanted another go of it. "Who the fuck are you?" He snarled.

"Someone who doesn't have time for this shit." Sakura snapped. "So, you might want to call it a night before I lose my patience."

He snorted in response, his friends laughing behind him. "You're just a girl and this is a man's fight. That bastard was hitting on my girlfriend!"

Sakura kicked Kai's shoulder when he started to say something stupid. "Yeah and you hit on him; me thinks you got your point across." She sighed, dragging Kai up to his feet by his shirt. "We'll be leaving now."

The guy turned his head to the side and spit but made no threatening gesture as Sakura practically dragged Kai out of the bar. He jerked out of her hold as soon she they hit the street; but promptly collapsed on his ass. Sakura watched him with pity as he whipped the blood off his face with the back of his hand. His eyes were glazed over and he looked around like he had no idea where he was. She thought he whispered Kira's names and it managed to break her heart.

"Kai, you need to go home." Sakura insisted, reaching out to hand a gentle hold of his arm only to have him pull free and stumble to his feet on his own.

He grunted, brow drawn heavily into a frown as he concentrated on the science of walking. She sighed and walked close to him, so she could catch him if he should fall and hit his head on the pavement. He was a big man; Sakura barely as tall as his collarbone but she was confident she could catch him despite their size difference. Sometimes being a shinobi could be extremely helpful.

A cough rang out into the night behind her and she turned to see Kakashi casually striding behind them. The sight of his made her heart skip inside her chest. She could count the number of times she'd seen him in civilian clothing on one hand but each time it managed to stop her in her tracks. He had this extraordinary ability to look amazing in anything. But what really made him attractive was the fact that he had no idea just how attractive he was.

"Nice evening." He commented, bundling himself deeper into his jacket.

"Sure is." She whispered, only remembering Kai was still present when he decided to puke on the street. She quickly grabbed the back of his jacket so he wouldn't fall face first into his mess.

"He looks to be in rough shape." Kakashi noted, keeping a stone face so Sakura had no idea what he was thinking.

"I'm taking him home." If, Kai would stop trying to fight her on the matter, it would certainly go a lot smoother. Even if they were no longer together, Kakashi was seeing for the first time the man who had taking his place. It was a sad sight, one that made Sakura blush with embarrassment.

"I'll walk with you." Kakashi replied, making Sakura's eyes widen in surprise.

"Um, you don't have to, I can handle him." And she really didn't want Kakashi around Kai; whether sober, drunk or stoned.

"You have to save your chakra, remember. He's a big boy; if he falls I can carry him."

"But…"

She tried to further protest the idea but Kakashi just waved her off and proceeded to sling Kai's arm around his shoulder in support. Kakashi was a tall man but Kai was still a few inches taller and built like a rock but Kakashi didn't show any sign of strain. He gestured to Sakura to lead and she gave a heavy sigh of defeat.


	7. Passion

It was a strange situation Sakura found herself in; walking down the street with her ex-boyfriend who was carrying her other ex-boyfriend. Kakashi hadn't said a word in over 10 minutes and it was putting Sakura on edge. Every now and then, their arms would brush and Sakura would practically jump out of her skin. Then she would curse herself for being so childish. Kakashi strolled along like nothing had happened and it made Sakura angry he could be so nonchalant.

"It's just up on the right here." Sakura pointed to the run down building Kai had lived in for almost 2 and a half years.

Kakashi nodded and lifted Kai up when he started to sag; readjusting his hold. Sakura noticed how he suddenly seemed to be exhausted, his arms shaking with strain and sweat beading on his forehead. He would never say anything but she saw the signs that he was pushing himself too far. Sakura gently slid herself under Kai's other arm and took some of the weight. She could see Kakashi's brow draw into a frown but ignored it. He really needed to get over it.

They struggled on the narrow staircase and Sakura had to let go and climb ahead so they could fit. Kakashi looked all too eager to prop Kai's limp body up against the wall. Poor man was regretting his offer to help as he tried to get the blood flowing to his arms again.

Sakura tried to open the door only to find it locked. She groaned at her misfortune of finding Kai's apartment locked for the first time since she'd known him. Man was either too trusting or his neighbors too smart to steal anything else a 280 pound man come breaking door their door. Sakura was betting on option B.

"Don't you have a key?" Kakashi asked, leaning back up against the wall beside Kai and crossing his arms. Sakura clenched her jaw as his blasé attitude, knowing it was a lie and that he was enjoying all of this. Hell, this dysfunction would serve to make him feel better about his own problems but Sakura just wanted to get this over with and go home.

"Nope." She chirped, patting Kai's jeans down. She felt Kakashi tense up when she stuck her hand into the front pocket and fumble around for the key. Though he was clearly not okay with it, he didn't say anything or offer to search for her. Sakura wasn't all too pleased to have her hand in Kai's pants either. Kai sighed and nudged himself against her, taking Sakura's touch to mean something else. She felt repulsed by the reaction and gave him a swift punch in the stomach for his troubles. Nothing too hard, just enough to get her point across.

She thanked God when she finally found the piece of metal and could step back. She quickly thrust the key into the door and opened it wide for Kakashi to bring him in. Kakashi practically dragged him like a sack of flour into the dark apartment, ignoring Kai's groan of pain when his head hit the hardwood after Kakashi let him go.

"You can't just leave him there." Sakura sighed, flicking on the light and shielding her eyes from the shine that reflected off the hundreds of bear bottles. The place was a disaster, garbage everywhere, dust caked over everything. She covered her nose against the smell. She hadn't been in the apartment for some time but she didn't remember it ever being this bad. Kai wasn't a neat freak by any stretch but this was crazy.

"Why not, he's happy." Kakashi gestured to where Kai was snoring like a boar and scratching his stomach.

"Just drag him to the bed." Sakura sighed, going on ahead to pick up the garbage the littered the hallway. Kakashi dragged Kai after her, looking all too thrilled with his task.

Sakura helped Kakashi lift him up onto the bed, not bothering to remove him shoes or cover him up though he seemed quite happy at present. But as Sakura turned to leave, he quickly took hold of her wrist, making her jump in surprise. She clenched her fist, ready to defend herself if he should try anything again.

"Sakura." He whispered. "I'm sorry."

She intently didn't believe him but when she saw tears in his eyes, her fist unclenched.

Kai whipped his face on the pillow but still streams of tears ran down his cheeks. "I didn't mean to, I swear. I just wanted you again, like it was before…I k-knew, when I heard he was back that we were over and I freaked. I panicked, I fucked up." He sobbed, it shaking his whole body.

Sakura swallowed, knowing she should hate him but at the same time feeling that his apology was absolutely sincere. She came closer to the bed, close enough to gently brush the hair back off his face. "Kai, we both know that it was over long before Kakashi returned." Sakura whispered, Kai slowly nodding his head in agreement. "What you did was wrong. After all we've been through, for you to do that hurt my feelings. It broke my trust."

Kai nodded again. "I know. And I know no amount of apology will ever be good enough. But I'm sorry, Sakura, for everything. For the way I've acted. Kira….Kira's death changed me for the worst and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have done that but I was scared and I loved you so much. I know you think I was with you for the money but you're wrong. I was in love you; but you could never feel that way about me."

Sakura's breath caught in her throat and tears burned her eyes. God, why was he saying all of this now? Why did he have to wait till after he screwed everything up to make this heartfelt confession? Looking down on him now, she saw the old Kai, the one who made her laugh when all she wanted to do was cry. She could see his old self reflected in his eyes again and it make her cry.

"I'm sorry for everything too. I had a hand in how everything turned out. My love for Kakashi never changed and it was selfish of me to put you through that. You deserved better." Sakura whispered, cupping his hand between hers. She waited for a response in the silence until she looked up and realized he was asleep and that Kakashi was gone.

* * *

Kakashi had left the second Kai had started to cry. It was no place for him; he was now the other man after all. He couldn't stomach watching the two of them together so he let himself out, doubting his absence would be noticed.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he descended the stairs and started the trek back up north towards Genma's apartment. Knowing Sakura had a boyfriend and actually seeing them together were two different things and he hadn't known the amount of anger, regret and jealousy he would be feeling. His body trembled against the urge to march back into the apartment and drag Sakura away with him. That and punch that bastard in the teeth for even touching her. Both of which he couldn't do which severe consequences.

When he told Sakura, back in the hospital that he was happy she had moved on he had meant it….at the time. She had found happiness. But now, seeing her with another man tore him up inside. He tucked his hand into his jacket to press against his heart to stop the ache but nothing helped.

He needed to focus on himself right now but all he could think about was Sakura. She was like a plague attacking his body until he could no longer fend her off. She was in his blood; she always had been. He closed his eyes at night and all he pictured was her. He used her image to contain the rage building up inside of him for Yamaguchi. She kept him sane when all he wanted to do was curl up and die.

Sakura had always been oblivious to just how important she was in his life. He let her in but never enough for her to truly 'see'. She would be scared of him then, to know just how much he depended on her. She had enough on her plate without adding that to the list so he'll keep his silence.

He'll keep his silence on everything, his jealousy, his anger and his love. He'll do as he always did, keep a straight a face and carry on.

* * *

The conversation with Kai had drained her. She had gone home after and collapsed into such a deep sleep that when she woke up it was well past noon. At first she was shocked but it eventually made sense. She had been going 2 days straight and her body had given out. Perhaps she'd take the day off; something she hadn't volunteered to do in over 4 years. The girls would call her if they needed her and she'd pretty much caught up on her paper work and what was still outstanding could wait.

Mushi was burrowed into the pillow beside her face and his tail would occasionally hit her face causing her to sneeze. But other than that, she was content. The sun was bright and washed over her like a warm blanket. She missed days like this, where she could just lay in bed and not think about any-

A knock on her door startled her from her calm and sent Mushi scurrying for cover. Sakura groaned and briefly considered throwing the covers over her head and ignoring the world. But, alas, she'd outgrown such childish behavior longer ago. So with great reluctance she dragged her tired ass out of bed and shuffled down the hallway. When the knock sounded again, she called out that she was coming.

Sakura unlocked the door and opened it to find none other than Hatake Kakashi standing before her. She was caught off guard for a moment, not expecting to see him at her door, especially after last night. But here he was, dressed in his leather jacket and a pair of jeans with an Icha Icha Paradise in his hand. The familiar sight of that damn book both amused and angered her at the same time, though she did have to give him credit. He held out on buying one from longer than she'd expected.

"Hi." She croaked before clearing her throat with a cough. "Hi."

"We've been summoned to the Hokage." He replied.

Sakura eyes widened. "Both of us?" Did her nervousness broadcast in her voice or was she able to contain it, she wasn't sure.

He nodded, his eye hooded and intently reading his book. She had the distinct feeling that she was being ignored and it irked her a little, though she should be happy. Didn't she want distance? It would remove the temptation to kiss him every time she saw him if she didn't see him at all.

"Um, I just have to get dressed." She began.

"I'll wait." He replied, easing himself past her and entering the apartment. Sakura shivered with pleasure, when the motion brushed their bodies together. She discreetly allowed herself to inhale his scent, her eyes drifting shut at the pleasure she gained from it.

"Make yourself at home." She shut the door and practically ran down the hallway to her room; her heart racing. Closing herself off in her room, it was then she noticed the fact that she was in her underwear; black lacy underwear that barely covered her ass. Kakashi hadn't said anything but how could have not noticed? Mortified, she cupped her blushing face in her hands.

She dressed as quickly as she could in a pair of jeans and a sweater. When she reemerged into the living room she saw Kakashi sitting on her sofa, Mushi purring in his lap. He gently petted the cat, murmuring in low tones to it; of what Sakura couldn't hear. Mushi looked to be in heaven, rubbing his head against Kakashi's jacket and Sakura felt an instant wave of jealousy towards the animal.

Kakashi cocked his head in her direction when she approached the couch. "You kept him." He remarked, his hand stroking the cats head.

She nodded. "I couldn't let him go to the pound, not after what he went through before you found him." She remembered the fragile pile of skin and bones that Kakashi had brought home one day, finding the kitten starving to death under a bridge just outside Konoha. Being a dog person, she was surprised Kakashi pleaded with her for him to keep it but she couldn't very well turn it away. Even if Mushi could be an asshole sometimes, she'd grown fond of the little guy.

"Thank you." He whispered, setting the animal off to the side so he could get up.

Sakura shrugged her answer and lead him to the door. She felt so small in his presence, so feminine. He commanded her small apartment, adding masculine scent to the air. Sakura missed having their place. It had been a harmony of both of them, a balance that this apartment lacked. She'd never noticed it before but she noticed it now.

As she ushered Kakashi out of the door, her stomach was a flutter with nerves. Tsunade must have news to summon them both. Kakashi looked anxious to hear it, having to purposefully slow his steps so he wouldn't out stride her. Sakura was curious yes, but what if the news was bad? Maybe ANBU never found anything and Kakashi would never have closure. Or worse, he'd take matter into his own hands and hunt Yamaguchi down himself.

Kakashi seemed perfectly content with the silence between them as he read his book but Sakura fiddled with a small pebble in her pocket with nerves. She hated this barrio between them though she knew it was necessary. There was a time when she could have talked with him about anything. She had shared her entire vault of secrets with him over the span of their relationship and she liked to think he had done the same. Now she had kept information from him, hiding the fact that Yamaguchi might be in Leaf County. When he found out about it he would hate her.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and kept her silence; at least for a little longer.

* * *

Kakashi hands shook; not from the cold but from fighting the urge to pull this woman beside him into his arms. He put on appearance of just casually reading his book but inside he was strung so tight a light wind could break his fragile control.

When he knocked on Sakura's door that afternoon, he was no prepared for her to answer wearing just a pair of lace panties and a tank top. Of course he knew very well that was what she preferred to sleep in but he had thought she had the common sense to dress herself before accepting visitors. Imagine his surprise. And dear god did she look good. She was still a bit thin for his tastes but her muscle tone was still something to admire. She always had great legs, he sighed. Strong legs; made for wrapping around a man and holding on. But he mustn't forget the way her perk little breasts looked in that white tank top. Even after four years he could still vividly picture them bouncing as she rode him in a frenzy; and it was slowly driving him crazy…Well, more crazy.

Kakashi had a talent for masking what he was truly thinking and, boy did that come in handy now. But then again, Sakura had always known he was a pervert so maybe it wouldn't come as such a shock.

Kakashi waited off behind as Sakura rapped on the door, trying very hard not to stare at her ass cupped so perfectly in those jeans. As if she felt he gaze, she slowly turned her head with a blush on her cheeks but he had returned to the book like nothing had happened. If he wasn't so tense, he would laugh at the whole situation. It was a flashback to how they were before getting together. This whole business about sneaking glances when the other wasn't looking and blushing if caught.

Sakura lead the way into the office with Kakashi trailing behind. He immediately took note of the two ANBU standing silently in the corner, dog and cat masks hiding their identity. Sakura spotted them and tensed up. She was nervous, not just about being with him, but about the meeting as well. Why, was the question on his mind.

"Please be seated." Tsunade replied, a grim expression on her face. Kakashi felt his pulse increase at the sight though he kept his stoic demeanor. "I've got news…though it's not good, I'm afraid."

Sakura collapsed into the chair, her hands fisted in her lap. "It's him then?"

Tsunade nodded; making Sakura gasped softly and turn her head away to compose herself. Kakashi watched with growing unease at Sakura's reaction.

"You found something; what is it?" Kakashi demanded.

"The cave was empty when ANBU got there, no trace what so ever that Yamaguchi had ever set up camp. The locals had no information about where he might have gone. Either that or they were lying to safe themselves, but that's beside the point. It was, in all intensive purpose, a dead end until the small village near Shuumatsu no Tani reported witnessing unidentified shinobi heading in this direction. ANBU were sent to investigate, not to engage, and they have confirmed Yamaguchi is in Fire country."

Kakashi's gaze narrowed; his jaw clenching. "Three guesses as to who he's looking for."

"We have to be smart about this-"Tsunade began.

Kakashi cut her off by rising quickly from his chair, displaying a rare outburst he was not known for. But he couldn't help it. "This is my responsibility, are you ready to let me handle it?"

"Kakashi…" Sakura whispered. Hearing her voice had a soothing quality to it that made him take a breath and listen. "You're still recovering and Yamaguchi is an S-Class criminal."

He may be listening but that wasn't what he wanted to hear. "But I know him, I know his characteristics." And he wasn't used to anyone doubting his capability as a shinobi. "He's looking for me and I won't let him endanger the Village to get me."

"Exactly; he's looking for you and if you confront him in your present state, he'll win." Sakura's voice choked on the last word, tears filling her eyes. "We can't lose you again."

Kakashi hardened himself against the sight, refusing to let personal issues sway what was best for his home. "Can we really afford to let him destroy Konoha again? From the looks of it, we've barely recovered from the last war. I'm not asking to go solo; I'm not stupid. But I will be a part of this mission." He stated firmly.

Tsunade sighed. "I don't disagree, Kakashi. You may not be at 100% right now but you're still a valuable shinobi; an extremely talented shinobi." Kakashi caught the sideways glance she shot it Sakura's direction, and the blush of guilt coloring her face because of it. He fisted his hands in his pocket; she knew something about this long before this meeting and she'd kept it from him. He felt anger and hurt because of it and would talk to her in private later.

"Debriefing on what our next move will be is scheduled for tomorrow at 10:00am."

Kakashi gave a curt nod, picked up his book and left the room without any further goodbye. He knew she followed; could feel her behind him. He took a turn into an unused storage room before taking hold of her wrist and yanking her inside. She flatted herself against the wall as he shut and locked the door.

"How long have you known?" He whispered, his barely contained fury seeping out into his words. Sakura's tongue peeked out to wet her dry lip and, despite his anger, his gaze followed the action like a starving man would look at food.

"A few days ago, I caught a man in my office. He was looking for information in your file. When I chased him, he made it clear that his presence wanted to be known." She attempted. "But we didn't know for sure that Yamaguchi was behind it."

"Bullshit," He snapped. "You had your suspicions but you kept me in the dark."

Sakura's eyes were full of guilt; she knew she had been in the wrong but she'd done it anyway. "I only wanted what's best for you-"

"And what right do you have to dictate what's good for me or not?"

Her eyes gained a spark of anger at the question, as he knew they would. "We may be over but I'm still your doctor. You are not well enough to go tracking him down- And I know that's what you want to do, don't lie to me!"

"Like you lied to me! Don't be a hypocrite, Sakura."

"I didn't lie to you; I omitted the truth for your best interest."

Kakashi slammed his palms into the wall on either side of her head making her jump then flash him a glare. He kept his arms there, caging her in and further inciting her anger.

Leaning close, he snarled behind his mask. "Don't fuck with me. You knew what you were doing; I have a right to be angry."

Sakura, no wilting flower, gave as good as she got. "I know how much this means to you."

"You have no idea. Four years, Sakura. Four years spent in that place made to do unimaginable things, cruel things, and the same done back to me." Kakashi hissed, watching her eyes soften a bit but not able to stop. "That place changed me; I'm not the same man because of it. And for that I deserve my revenge."

"Revenge will get you killed," Sakura whispered, tears filling her eyes and pouring out down her cheek. ", it'll consume you."

Kakashi ducked his head. "It already has."

It was after a moment of silence that both Kakashi and Sakura released how close they were to each other. He could smell her perfume; it invaded his body, made him hard. And her eyes had suddenly hooded, her breathes coming out in soft pants. Her chest rose with each inhale and brushed against his, her warm breath tickling his neck as she craned her neck to look up at him. He felt light headed, his heart hammering inside his chest. He was slowly lowering his head before he released what he was doing, captivated with the urge to taste her again; to feel her lips against his, to hear her moan his name.

_What was he doing?_

He blinked and suddenly the moment was gone and he came back to his senses. He swallowed; before easing back. Letting his arms fall to his sides, forcing his feet to carry him back, away from such a sweet temptation. Sakura hadn't recovered her breath still uneven, confusion in her eyes. She wanted this just as much as he did, but instead, like a coward, he fled; leaving the room with a soft click of the door.


	8. Regret

Kakashi woke with a strangled scream in his throat; shooting up in bed to gasp for breath. The room was black and for a moment he thought that everything had been a dream, that he was still locked away in that cave. But soon he felt the comfort of a soft bed beneath him, felt the cool air on his skin. The nightmares were so vivid, he was scared that he would soon lose himself to them and never wake up.

Throat starved for a glass of water, he slid his bare feet to the carpeted floor and walked into the kitchen. Funny; how so many of Konoha's apartments had the same layout. Kakashi's old place had been a mirrored image of Genma's, and Sakura's for that matter. It certainly helped when one was wandering around in the dark. He made it to the kitchen without stabbing his toe once; poured himself a glass of water and took a seat at the small kitchen table.

It was silent in the apartment, not even a ticking clock could be heard to break it. It unnerved him, the still quiet. Make no mistake, he loved to be alone, people made him uneasy, but he would had a fan going or a radio; something. The quiet allowed all of his darker thoughts to surface and it was hard to push them down again. The faces of those other prisoners in that cave; they haunted him. They were always present; when he closed his eyes he would see their confusion and anger. He could never get rid of them…

No, that wasn't true. When he was with Sakura they faded into the back and he could breathe again. She chased again the dark and brought him sunlight; she always had. But he couldn't think of her without inflicting a different kind of pain on himself. It had been a mistake; the whole storage room incident from start to finish. He had let his anger rule him; something he had rarely done, and look where it had gotten him.

He had been furious with her; had never remembered ever being more so. He knew in the back of his mind, however, that she had did what she did with the purest intentions and though he knew of his ordeal, he hadn't revealed to her or anyone the true extent of his imprisonment. And he didn't plan on ever giving up that information unless absolutely necessary. But the anger had roared to the surface the instant he found out what she had kept from him and he couldn't have stopped it even if he tried.

What that anger had morphed into, however, was even more out of his control. He should have known better, given his intense feelings toward the woman. But for a moment he had entertained the idea that he could kiss her and it would instantly return to what they had been. That he could lose himself in her again; that she could make him whole again.

'Kakashi the dreamer'. He felt like the coward he was; running away like a child. Sakura had been willing; her body language screamed in agreement; but it would have been a mistake. If he hadn't back away then, she would have done the same soon enough. At least he hoped she had that much common sense.

He set the glass on the table with more force than intended and it shattered in his hand. He hissed and dropped the debris but shards had lodged themselves into his palm. He went to the sink and ran it under cold water until the pieces were clearly visible and he could pick them out. He decided right then and there that he needed a strong drink. But to his dismay, Genma's liquor cabinet was empty.

So, once he'd bandaged his hand in gaze, he dressed in yesterdays' clothes and left the apartment. It had to be three in the morning yet Konoha night life was still booming. The bar just down the street was packed. Kakashi had to actually nudge bodies out of the way before he could get to the counter. The place was a nice enough establishment; if you ignored the smell. The pretty young woman wiping down the wooden surface had a shirt cut so low that he feared those things would spill out at any moment. He averted his eyes to her face. She couldn't be more that 20 years old, yet she had packed on so much makeup Kakashi couldn't be sure.

She smiled in his direction, leaving the rag on the counter and strolling over. Kakashi was unimpressed with the 'sexy' way she swayed her hips with each step. He was even less impressed when she proceeded to lean over so far a nipple escaped. The girl knew how to get her tips, he'd give her that. Most men would be salving on themselves to get her attention but Kakashi just wanted a drink.

"What can I get ya' sweetie?" She asked, red lips curling into a seductive smile. But her voice ruined what seducing she had planned to do. She sounded like she was eating cigarettes.

"Something strong." He sighed, regretting not being well versed in the bar scene, perhaps he'd be able to order drinks.

"Coming right up." She straightened and begun pulling out all the bottles needed to make his order. "Tough night?"

"Hmm." Kakashi folded his arms on the bar and took to studying all the other bottles lining the back wall. This place was a hot spot for all the civilians in the area, trade folk, so why did they stock up on foreign vodka's and expensive mixers? He looked into the mirror to the horde of people behind him; they all had a saké bottle in their hands or a beer. Seemed like a waste.

"Here you go." He turned back at the chirpy reply, watching her set a glass down on a napkin before him. He looked at the suspicious green liquid inside and begun to regret this rebellion. "Don't look so scared, it'll feel good." She laughed and with a wave goodbye, she went to another customer at the other end.

Kakashi sighed and , without futher delay, took glass in hand and tipped back the entire volume. He nearly choked on the burning sensation as the cursed substance ran down his throat; giving a subtle cough. Well, Kakashi remarked, it wasn't so bad after you got through the initial intake. He could feel the warmth running into his belly; could feel some of his tension beginning to sooth. He lifted his hand in signal for another when she had the chance.

He felt someone slid into the stool beside him and some of the tension came back when he realized who it was.

Kai looked drunk, although not as smashed as the last time Kakashi and he were together. He could stay on his seat, for one thing.

"Sakura says you don't drink." Kai remarked, his words a little slurred. Though he was curious as to why the idiot was even talking to him. Perhaps he was too drunk to see the 'fuck off' vibes Kakashi was sending his way. He was also curious as to why Sakura would be talking about him to her boyfriend.

"Things change." Kakashi muttered, not in the mood to entertain guests. He cast a sidelong glance at the man. "Though some things don't."

Kai's face flushed with what appeared to be guilt and he turned toward the bar. "It's hard to change behavior after doing the same thing for so long. Especially if it helps to numb you."

Kakashi could at least relate to that. He played with the empty glass before him, trailing his fingers over the rim. After all, wasn't that the reason he was even here; why everyone in this bar was here? With the warming effect still resonating in his stomach, he would very well see the pull this drug had to people. Whatever Kai had been though, it had pushed him to it; soothing him like a lover unlike the liquor and Kai were one in the same. That didn't mean Kakashi would forgive the way it affected Sakura.

Ino had told him many things in the hospital; one of which was the constant sighting between in the relationship. Most of the arguments had sprung from Kai's love affair with this bar.

Kakashi didn't respond, instead he sat in silence as the girl refilled his glass, suddenly not in the mood for a drink any longer.

"I know you were there that night," Kai continued. "I know you heard what I said. But I told her I was sorry for what I did, that I vowed to change."

Kakashi paused; a deathly stillness coming over his body. "What did you do?" He asked.

Kai eyes filled with shame and he turned them downcast, the action only served to make Kakashi more on edge. He slowly turned in his chair to face the man beside him. "I mean, she did break my nose after and gave me a hard kick to my junk-"

It didn't take a genius to conclude what Kai had done and Kakashi saw red. He didn't remember anything after that; he's mind sort of shutting off for a moment but apparently his body worked perfectly fine.

Kakashi woke up in a flourish; not knowing how much time had passed just aware of the uproar booming around him. People had packed into a tight circle surrounding him, pushing and shoving to get a good spot for viewing. He then became aware that Kai was beneath him; his back perched awkwardly against the edge of the counter. Kakashi had his fist clenched in a death grip around the man's collar, his fingers actually ripping through the material in the scuffle. Kai had a look of pure fear in his eyes; something not readily seen in a man of his size. Kakashi had his other fist cocked back, muscling screaming at him to unleash and slam it into Kai's face again. Kakashi didn't know how many shots he'd thrown before he came too but Kai's face was bloody again.

Kakashi was wet, he took note. Apparently the girl behind the bar had sprayed him with water; she was now clutching the hose in trembling hands, prepared to do it again. She was scared of his too, he realized. It was one thing when a fight broke out between civilians but quite anther when a shinobi was involved. It had to be a rare sight.

Kakashi turned slowly back to Kai; the man flinching in preparation for another beating. The rage Kakashi felt toward the man hadn't left him, he still trembled with it but he had some control over it now that he didn't have before. He shot a look that said he was barely holding back.

"The only reason you are still breathing motherfucker; if that Sakura already took her pound of flesh. If I even see you again; or hear her name from your mouth I'll finish the job." Kakashi vowed meaning every word. And with great reluctance he pushed away, releasing his hold from Kai's shirt and stumbling away. He didn't look at any of the faces as he passed but they eagerly parted to give a clear path out.

Kakashi dreaded what consequences would come from this.

* * *

Sakura went the work that morning like a zombie walking. She'd gotten no sleep the night before; tossing and turning until finally giving up and just staring at the ceiling. Her body was strung tight after the run in with Kakashi in that storage room; her mind still reeling from what happened. He had tried to kiss her and now he'd official succeeded in fucking with her head. Why would he try to kiss her; then run away when she showed signs of interest, she didn't understand. She became angry very quickly after Kakashi left and had stayed as such for a long time.

How dare he toy with her? How dare he do what he did and expect her to just fall at his feet?

Well no more, she vowed, that was the end of it. If he can be so heartless to her when he knew how she felt about him, then she was done with him. She'll sign off that he was healthy enough to return to the field, let him go get his revenge, if it kills him so be it, it was his choice.

Sakura nearly sobbed at the idea; knowing in her heart that losing him again would truly break her. It hurt to have Kakashi angry with her; it was devastating to have him yell at her. She'd never experienced that before. She conceded that it was wrong of her to withhold information from him; Tsunade had told her this would happen but she didn't listen. He hated her now and it was her own fault. The near kiss meant nothing; just a buildup of sexual frustration on both their parts. It couldn't mean more than that.

As Sakura passed a doorway on the second floor a strange noise caught her attention. Frowning; she quickly opened the door and wasn't surprised to see Aiko and Ino locked together into a fight fist. Sakura may not be surprised but she was disgusted. They didn't even stop when entered the room; Ino's claws deep in Aikos' hair and vice-versa. The two Kunoichi may have all the jutsu in the world but this wasn't a fight between shinobi but a squabble between girls.

"Enough!" Sakura snapped, taking hold of both parties and trying to pry them apart. Ino was screaming at her co-worker calling her nasty names and gripping tighter, apparently determined to take a good chuck of hair with her. Aiko was crying out in frustration; just repeated the word 'Bitch' over and over again. "Let go; both of you!"

Aiko, the more obedient of the two reluctantly released his claws first but Ino kept yanking with continued vigor until Sakura had to physically pry her off. She shoved the blonde into one corner and Aiko into another; both girls glaring at the other from across the room; threatening to start the fight again.

Why the hell had Sakura suddenly become to one the break up all the fights in Konoha?

"For Christ sake! What is wrong with you?" Sakura cried.

"She slept with Shikamaru; that bitch I'll claw her eyes out!" Ino screamed and leapt into Sakura; trying to push through her to get to her opponent. Sakura pushed her back and quickly signed an immobilizing jutsu; watching the blonde freeze up in place; eyes still aflame with anger.

"What the fuck does this have to do with your jobs?!"

"Nothing; Haruno-san; she attacked me-" Aiko cried in innocence.

"Bullshit!" Ino denied; not able to move but apparently quite able to talk.

Sakura winced at the volume of Ino's screeching voice. "Shut up; both of you. God; I've had enough! Don't you think I've enough to deal with without cat fights erupting between my medics?" Ino had the grace of mind to look ashamed after that; knowing exactly what was currently going on in Sakura's life.

"I know; Sakura, I'm sorry you're involved." Ino whispered.

"It's unprofessional-" Aiko began.

"Shut up; you're such a brown noise." Ino scoffed; igniting the shooting war once again with Sakura caught in the middle.

She groaned with impatience and silenced the two with a jerk of her hand. "Ino; you're suspended for a week. Aiko; you're suspended for 3 days; both without pay. You'll have a re-evaluation at the end of that period to determine if you're fit to return."

"Why does she only get 3 days? That's not fair." Ino protested.

"Because I know you started this fight; you've been itching to get at Aiko for some time now." Sakura replied; finding herself in doubt that Aiko would ever initiate a fight; the girl was so timid. Granted, Aiko did have a reputation around town of being something of a whore, but if Ino had a problem she should have addressed it on her own time. Those new recruits couldn't have come at a better time; if they hadn't she feared she wouldn't have been able to take appropriate action for these two.

"Think of it as a vacation if you have too; but I don't want to see either of you on the property until I say so; are we clear-"

Sakura was cut short when the door flew open and one of other medics came in with a panic. She groaned inwardly. Every time someone had burst into her door with that expression; it had brought such bad news.

"What now?" Sakura asked; shoulders slumping with the renewed weight placed upon them. God, she had just shed all this weight not even a week ago and here it was again.

"Haruno-san…" The young girl swallowed a lump in her throat. "…Kai is dead…And Hatake Kakashi has been arrested for murder."


	9. Reunion

The sky above was thick and dark with overcast; graceful snowflakes floated down from it I; beautiful in contrast. The white had already covered the village in a blanket; covering the grave in front of her. No, not a grave, she remembered. Kai's body was not laid to rest in it; instead he had been cremated earlier than day as was custom. Before her was only his name and it shared its space with hundreds of over names of deceased. It wasn't the monument in which shinobi names were carved but just as nice.

Not many people showed up for the service; a few friends a couple old girlfriends and Sakura. Kai had no family; having lost his twin a few months ago. His parents had died when he and Kira were young; Kai having to step up to be the father figure to his younger sister. He didn't like to talk about such things; sort of like Kakashi, but she remembered him saying it had been a struggle to support both of them. Kira's loss devastated Kai and he never recovered.

Despite all the arguing and bad blood between Sakura and him; she would mourn his loss. She would certainly miss him more than his supposed 'friends' standing behind her laughing at a private joke. Perhaps he had been a burden to them, having been dragged home plenty of nights by them after a stint at the bar. But then again, they were just as bad as he had been. They were bad company to keep, she saw that long ago but Kai had, unfortunately fit right in.

No, she would cry for him. When Kakashi 'died' she had been inconsolable. But it was Kai who managed to bring out a smile, Kai who held her when she cried, Kai who stuck by her even when it was clear she was still in love with another man. She never really appreciated all he did for her until now. Instant guilt for how she treated him over the years was a fire in her stomach.

At least Kakashi had been released from prison. It had been clear, upon closer inspection that Kai had indeed committed suicide by ingesting mass amounts of alcohol and choking on his own vomit. Finding him like that, the medic had originally thought Kai had been poisoned. It was a natural reaction to suspect Kakashi, especially after the incident in the bar; something that left a bad taste in her mouth. But at least she could take a small bit of comfort in the fact that Kakashi was not a murderer.

Sakura had gone to the prison as soon as Kai's body was taken of but Kakashi had already been discharged and cleared of all charges by the time she got there. She didn't go to the apartment in case he was there and she'd have to face him. Stupid of her; not to mention cowardly but that's the way it was. She didn't know how she should react to the fact that he had gotten into a fight fist in a bar at 3:00 in the morning with a civilian. The Kakashi she'd known wouldn't have even been in a damn bar in the first place.

The meeting for what to do about Yamaguchi was yesterday morning and Kakashi had been in jail, so safe to say, he missed it. God, he will be so angry; especially now that it was clear he was innocent. She just worried about him so much. He was barely holding on to what sanity he had and she feared that this will push him over the edge. She'd have to see him; to ease her state of mind.

She left the cemetery as soon a service was complete; greeting no one or making eye contact. She made her way to Genma's apartment, heart in her throat and pounding like a thousand galloping horses. Sakura knocked on the door but there was no answer; though she knew in her heart that Kakashi was inside. She let herself in.

"Kakashi?" She called out, but was greeted with only silence. She slipped off her boots and jacket, rubbing her hands together to warm them from the cold. She checked the kitchen first, and then the living room but saw no sign of him. She braced herself and slowly made her way down the hall towards the bedroom.

Sakura slowly clicked open the door, peeking inside to see his large form under the covers on the bed. She hesitated for moment; second guessing her herself. She hadn't expected him to be sleeping at two o'clock in the afternoon. But soon she realized that his sleep was restless, his breathing harsh, his shoulders trembling. He was having another nightmare.

She couldn't stop herself from entering the room. She couldn't stand to see him like this. As she approached the bed, he tossed back the covers with a kick, startling her for a moment. But he slept on, unaware of her presence. His face; maskless, with only the headband over the bandage on his left eye, was covered with sweat. Every so often he would let out an involuntary moan of pain, which broke her heart ad made her forget about everything else but helping him.

"Kakashi?" She whispered, leaning over with the intention of softly waking him from his dreams. Perhaps it hadn't been the smarted idea to approach him when he was having a nightmare. The second her finger even made the slightest touch to his cheek, Sakura was attacked.

His eye snapped open; black as the darkness in a grave and with less mercy. His hand shot out, a kunai clutched tightly in his grasp. Sakura gasped and tried to block the blade from hitting its original target; her throat. She managed to avoid the death blow, her reflex the only thing that saved her life but couldn't stop the knife from plunging deep into her forearm. She cried out in agony, stumbling back and slamming her body into the window sill and falling to her knees. The wound was deep and stung like a thousand bee stings.

His eye, once blank and intent on killing his enemy, slowly began to show life again. He blinked a few times as if struggling to remember where he was before he turned his attention to her. He took in the sight of her on the floor, clutching her arm which was pouring blood onto the carpet.

Sakura watched as a look of pure horror spread across his handsome face. He whispered her name; confusion in his voice, before noticing the red coated weapon in his hand and tossing in away with a moan. It landed with a lonely thump on the floor by the bathroom.

"Dear God, what have I done?" He cried, his bloody hand frantically ripping into the roots of his hair.

"No, it's okay, see I'm already healing." Sakura tried desperately to shield him from the suffocating guilt he must be feeling, but feared he wasn't listening. He shot from the bed, backing away from her with terror in his eyes.

She grimaced as her tissue started to mend together but it was quickly healing, just as she said and the bleeding had already stopped. She paused to hold out her hand, beseeching him to see she was in no danger before he did something stupid.

Kakashi's shoulders were hunch like he was caving in on himself; hands fisted into his hair like the time she found him in the bathroom. The silver strands were already stained with red. He was pacing the room like a tiger; naked from the waist up. Probably a bad time to notice his improved physic but she was only human.

"Kakashi please. Listen to me, look at me, I'm fine."

She got him to pause, hesitantly glancing in her direction like he envisioned he would find her dying on the rug. It took a moment for him to realize that she spoke the truth. Hope sparked in his eyes and he slowly took a step towards her.

"Sakura." He whispered; and she knew that if she turned him away now, she would not only break him, she would kill him. But she held her palm up, a smile gracing her lips.

Kakashi's hand; big and masculine took hers; small and feminine. Such a contrast. She pulled him closer until he collapsed on his knees before her like a stone. His eye was remorseful; his hands, which tenderly cupped her jaw, displayed his regret. Sakura closed her eyes; allowing herself to enjoy the feeling. This was the first touch he had initiated since returning back and she savored it; like a flower craved sunlight.

His thumb, rough from years spent in hard labor stroked the edges of her lips. His fingers grazing the nape of her neck sending shivers down her spine. When he touched her she forgot her vows; forgot whatever promise she had made to herself to never get this close again. It was like they were doves, tied together by a string. They would fly, each in a different direction; stubborn in their resolve to stay away. And they would fly far away; gaining great distance between them but then, they would reach the end of the rope and have to turn around. They would always meet that other dove right back at the beginning wondering why they had even flown away in the first place.

"What have I done?" He sounded broken; that thread that held him together wearing down further each day.

Sakura snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him even loser until their noses brushed together and only a hair's width stopped her lips from touched his. He had gone still, no breath leaving his mouth; holding it in with anticipation. Sakura didn't weigh the pros and cons of this situation; didn't calculate the consequences to come in she made this move; she just did it.

She leaned forward; just enough; just what was needed to feel his lips against hers. Both gasped a sharp intake of air at the sensation but Sakura recovered first. She pressed into him; parting her mouth and sneaking her tongue out to grazing against him. He remained frozen for a moment; just enough time to plant self doubt in her head before he moved and eliminated any such thoughts from her mind again.

Kakashi moaned; not in pain but in pleasure and such a sweet sound made her soar. He slid one hand around to the back of her head and drew her against him so hard their teeth clinked together. The other ran hot as he stroked up and down her neck.

She lost herself in the bliss; arching her back so that her nipples rubbed against his bare chest. Her eyes rolled back into her head at the feeling; wanting desperately for them to touch skin to skin. She mumbled as such in his mouth but the poor man was just as lost as she was. He did, however, heed some of her demand and dropped a hand down into her bra.

"Fuck." He sighed; not in the right mind to even pronounce the word entirely. It just sort of slipped out like _faaa_, such an unintelligent sound from a genius of a man. She made him like this; made him forget himself. Feminine power coursed through her veins. He found her nipple and pinched it between his forefinger and thumb, making Sakura arch her back and cry out with approval.

"More, yes, take it off." Her voice was husky; barely understandable but Kakashi got the jest. His mouth never left hers as his hand slid out and started to rip her clothes off one by one. She helped him as much as she could without stopping her exploration of his muscular chest; loving the feel of his smooth burning hot skin beneath her palms.

_Mine_; she thought; _he was all mine._

Finally he got her naked; her tank torn to shreds around her hips, her bra tossed urgently to the side. He paused for a moment, breathing just as heavy as she was. She watched as he watched her through hooded eye. He licked his lips like suddenly parched; staring intently at her breasts like he's just come home. Her nipples harden to the point of pain in response; eager to once again be treated to that talented mouth of his. And dear god, he didn't disappoint.

Sakura cried out, her head tossed back as he latched on to one and played with the other. He remembered how sensitive she was there and exploited it without mercy. She fisted her hands in his hair, clawing at him as she even now felt an orgasm burning. She moved her hips in a jerking motion; his thigh nudging her legs apart to rub up against her sex. She grew wet under her jeans and knew that just one more tug of his teeth would send her over the edge.

He granted her wish and with a final bite of his teeth, she exploded; her vision going as black as the night sky which silvery stars to match. If there was a heaven; then she had just made a visit. The come down was slow and patient; aftershocks going off like mini explosions, until she sagged boneless against his body.

She felt his arms come immediately around her; holding her like a child. His erection strained up against her but he made no push to disturb her; it must be painful. She smiled lazily and tucked her mouth up against his ear lobe; satisfied to feel a shiver run through him as her breath tickled his ear.

"My turn." She whispered playfully and trailed her hand down his stomach; slipping her hands into the front of his sweatpants. The feel of his in her hands was like nothing else. He jerked when she first came into contact; moaned when she wrapped her hand around him. He groaned her name as she started to pump her wrist.

Still sagged up against him; she felt his entire body tense up to the point that she thought he might pull something. His hand came around and took firm hold on her jean clad ass. His hips jerked in tandem to her hand motions, faster and faster until he went still. He tossed his head back; neck tendons straining; jaw clenched in ecstasy.

"Oh my god." He said after; chest heavy like he'd run a marathon; hand still clenched tight around her ass cheek. Sakura nestled deeper into his sweaty neck; breathing in his musk. He brought her with him as he fell backwards on the carpet. She found a spot next to him; arching her leg over his and sighing with pleasure.

The silence that descended between the two of them was a peaceful change to the funk it had been for these past few weeks. As they lay on the floor; naked from the waist up, Sakura felt the first inkling of peace in too long to remember.

"Well," she began her voice husky from the screaming she'd subjected it to. "I think we can honestly say this was bound to happen soon or later."

She expected her flipped remark to earn her a chuckled from him but he just lay there. She was too scared to lift her head to see his expression just in case it held pending rejection. His heart still pounded strong beneath her palm, a layer of sweat still permeating his skin. He smelt so good; felt so good beneath her. This was why she loved him; he made her feel small and fragile. Sure she could demolish mountains with his strength but when she was with him, she could finally release the control. He could be the man and she could be the woman. Just a woman.

"...I'm sorry you missed your meeting" She whispered. "I know how much it meant to you."

"...Wouldn't have made a difference; I've been put on suspension for the foreseeable further." He sighed, shifting beneath her to rest his arm at the back of his head, his other hand resting causally on her hip, his fingers playing with the belt loop on her jeans.

Sakura bit her lip, hesitant to question him on his actions that night in the bar should it break what calm they were experiencing. Though she desperately wanted to ask him what he had been thinking, if he'd been thinking at all. From the accounts she heard, it had been like Kakashi was possessed. Kai hadn't fought back; even after the damaging blows he received which was not like Kai at all.

"…I didn't kill him." He stated.

"I know."Sakura mumbled.

"But I wish I did." His voice almost a growl; shocked, Sakura tilted her head to see him. His mouth was tight in a frown; brown drawn down in a similar manner. "When he told me what he did…He's very lucky I didn't kill him because he would have suffered until the very end."

Sakura swallowed the lump in her throat. "It didn't happen. I took care of it. He apologized-" She was cut off as he pushed himself up to his feet, leaving her laying on the floor. She pushed herself up as well, watching as he resumed his pacing. His hands clutched at his sides; fisted like he craved to hit something. "Kakashi; do you honestly think I would just let him rape me? Do have not have any faith in me at all?"

"It doesn't matter; he tried!" Kakashi snapped. "What if you'd been too weak to fight him off, what then?"

Sakura sighed; feeling the pressure start to build up in her neck and shoulders again. The question had run through her mind too many times to count; but to have him ask it just served to make her aware of what could have happened that night if Kai had succeeded. She gently sat on the bed, grabbing a pillow to cover her exposed breasts.

"I would have fought him with everything I had; and in fact, I did just that." Sakura stated firmly. "I'm a shinobi of this village, Kakashi; I'm the chief of medicine; lives depend on me. Don't you think I'm ashamed? What kind of shinobi is almost raped by a civilian?" She turned her head away.

"Don't you fucking dare." He growled, staking across the room towards her and lifting her chin to make eye contact. The fire she saw in his eye reminded her of the old Kakashi. "Don't you ever blame yourself for what he did. Blame me; if you have to but never yourself. I wished you well; pushed you to be happy with him."

Sakura shook her head, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her nose into his stomach for comfort. He wrapped his arms around her, ducking his height do he could kiss the top of her head. Sitting there, wrapped in his arms, Sakura let herself think of the future. What would happen now? Kai was dead, she was free. Kakashi had forgiven her for withholding information, as evident with the growing erection should could feel in his pants. They slept together for all intensive purposes; so the craving to do so again would be a bitch to stop.

Why did everything have to be so hard?

...Pun intended.


	10. Confusion

Kakashi's fist hit the training post with a thud; the impact radiating up through his arm and into his body. He quickly followed it up with a swift kick; arching his hip to hit precisely where he wanted. It felt good to work his muscles again; he loved the feeling of having his body in motion; his heart pounding in his chest begging for a breather. His mind could finally go blank, allowing him to live I the moment. He would have done this well before now if it hadn't been for his injuries but they no longer plagued him. His side still ached with tightness when he pulled the stitches a little too hard; but that was the only thing. His sharingan didn't even both his as much. He kept it shut, endured the soothing balm Sakura insisted on and, as a result, he didn't even were a bandage any longer. Sakura disputed but allowed him his freedom.

Their relationship had taken a confusing turn as of late; he must admit. They weren't together officially but somehow Sakura would always end up in his bed in the morning. Kakashi would lay awake in the dark, anticipating that creek of the opening door and the dip in the mattress as she slid under the covers. He wouldn't hesitate to wrap his arm around her waist and draw her up against him; aching to feel her warmth. It became the best part of his day. He didn't initiate anything more than cuddling and neither did she. They would sleep together in the most PG sense and in the morning, she would leave without a word. He began to wonder if she was having second thoughts; or feeling guilty but whatever it was it didn't stop her from coming to him every night.

Having her in his arms made him sleep peacefully. He hadn't had one nightmare that week and he knew she was the reason. He didn't doubt for a moment. She had always been a port of haven to him in past and he was grateful even more so now. Although he wished he knew what she was thinking. The woman was a mystery to him even now and she called him hard to read. She climbed into his bed every night, had let him touch her but didn't smile at him like she used to. She was being professional with him; keeping that as a boundary between them with her locked up safe behind. It was a startling difference to the relationship they had once shared; void of the openness and ease that had once existed. That fact must be hurting her just as much as it was hurting him.

It's been a week since anything concerning Yamaguchi had been brought up around him. Tsunade was nice enough to keep him informed on the matter; regardless of his suspension. It put him on edge, this waiting business. Four years spent waiting to die could do that to a person but now that he was free all he wanted was action. The rogue-nin was playing with him, he knew that. Not because he was egotistical but because it was fact. Yamaguchi enjoyed his games and Kakashi was, unfortunately, a key player in them. He was anticipating a sign any day now. A sign in the form of a dead body sounded like Yamaguchi's style and he would everything in his power to stop that from Sakura. Yamaguchi knew of their relationship; laughed that the taboo subject of student and teacher, commended Kakashi on his taste once seeing a picture of the pink haired girl. Kakashi's stomach churned to remember the look on that man's face when he studied Sakura's.

He'd die before he allowed that bastard anywhere near her.

He punched the wooden pole a little harder and harder until he broke it in half. His lungs heaved for air; the sudden pain in his side telling his he managed to rip the wound open again. He pressed a hand to it; damn if he'd go to the hospital for such a petty thing but he was hesitant to go to Sakura. She'd be upset with him for pushing himself too hard. Plus she was working and so for him to visit her; he'd also have to visit the hospital.

He'd just sew it up himself, no harm done.

Leaving the training field, he wiped the sweat from his forehead off with the back of his arm. The air was chilly but the exercise had made his overheat so he'd taken off his sweater. The air felt good on his arms not covered from his t-shirt. He longed to wear his uniform again; felt naked without it. It had been al he used to wear and it gave his a stasis in this village; something to be proud of. Plus he wanted his own money again; not Tsunade's hand outs. His pride hurt to be dependent on something else. He hadn't had to rely on anyone but himself since his father died when he was very young. He wanted an apartment in his name again; barren as it had been last time he wanted somewhere to put his limited amount of stuff.

He wanted Sakura to live there. He wanted her toothbrush next to him; he wanted his kitchen counter cluttered with all her feminine things. He wanted to have her yell at him when he left his underwear on the floor. He wanted normality.

"Hi; stranger." A voice called to his left. He paused in the street, his hands in his pockets; sweater tucked under his arm.

Kakashi felt his eye curving with genuine happiness. "Good morning, Kurenai."

The beautiful raven haired woman returned the smile, balancing a healthy baby boy on her hip. "Where are you off to? Maybe we could catch up over some tea."

"Love to." Kakashi replied, walking up to her doorstep. Kurenai looked happy but tired; a look he'd seen on every mothers face, ever. Asuma must be on a mission; if she was here all alone. "Hey, there little guy." He chuckled, holding out a finger so a ting fist could wrap around it. He was strong, Kakashi mused; he'd make a fine shinobi when he grew up.

"This is Isamu." Kurenai smiled down at the baby with an astonishing expression of love. Kakashi had never known his mother but he hoped that he had been on the receiving end of such a look. "Please, come in."

Kakashi followed as Kurenai lead him into the apartment. "Sorry about the mess; I haven't had the time to clean." Kurenai apologized. Kakashi waved it off as nonsense, the place was not that bad; a few toys here and there, a laundry basket of unfolded clothing, nothing his apartment hadn't looked like in the day. Although he used to have a much different type of toy but that was beside the point.

Kakashi helped her in the kitchen; offering to make the tea so she could sit and rest her feet. Kurenai flashed him a grateful smile and folded herself into the chair. "You've been back for a while; are you staying at Sakura's place?"

"Genma's." Kakashi replied, reaching up into the highest cupboard where the Sarutobi family decided to keep the tea bags. Apparently in must be Asuma's idea to put them so high; from he remembered Kurenai didn't even like tea so it must work out. "But, I figure he'll be back soon so I'll have to go on the hunt for a place of my own." Though how he expected to pay for it was something he kept to himself.

"Have you been cleared for duty, yet?" Kurenai shifted Isamu to more comfortable spot. "I ask because you seem to be bleeding." She gestured to the red stain on the side of his shirt.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "It's nothing."

Kurenai made a noise to let him know she didn't believe him for a second, but knew enough, being a shinobi herself, to push the issue. Besides, having Asuma for a husband she'd have to deal with the same sort of thing.

When he heard that his two fellow jounin's had finally stopped the bullshit and tied the knot; he'd remembered feeling a mixture of happiness and jealousy. It seemed like all his old friends were getting married and settling down. If things had been different; chances are that he and Sakura would be also. She had asked him numerous times what he thought about marriage; hinting that she always dreamed about walking down the aisle. He had been torn between wanting to give it to her and his own self doubt and cold feet. He'd never really been witness to a happy marriage and was terrified that the binding would spoil what he and Sakura had.

He'd been stupid, he knew that now. He wasted so much time.

"How is Sakura?" Kurenai asked, taking a timid sip of her water. Kakashi refrained from rolling his eyes with exasperation; but just barely.

He slid into the chair across from her. "She's good; busy."

"She's chief in medicine, isn't she? Sorry, I haven't spoken with her in so long." Kurenai cupped the back of the baby's head and guided him down into her neck, when he showed signs of sleep. Kakashi watched the sight of mother and child with a strange sense of longing. He's never really put much thought into children of his own but, he could admit to himself now, that he wouldn't mind a son or daughter. A boy he could pass all his shinobi stills to; or a girl he'd bounce on his knee. Or maybe both. They'd have Sakura's fire and drive and his….well, to be honest he didn't know if had any redeeming qualities to pass onto the next generation besides for his jutsu.

"Asuma's on a mission?"Kakashi mumbled into his tea cup; hoping she didn't catch the abrupt change of subject.

"Yes," She replied. "He didn't want to go but with me on mat leave, we need the money. Times are hard now a days, Konoha's still recovering from the war."

"We always seem to be recovering from some attack or other. We're good at it."

"Yeah, let's hope it continues that way." Kurenai sighed.

They talked for a little while longer until Isamu began to fuss and she had to put him down for his nap. Kakashi had bid farewell and left. It had been nice to catch up with Kurenai; he had always liked the woman. Although she was so very different from Sakura in so many ways, he could see in both women the strength to carry on. Sakura could use a friend to talk to; besides Ino, who, to be honest still acted like she was 16. And he didn't want Sakura to become a recluse like he was. She was bright and funny; used to be a social butterfly. He wanted to see that spark back in her eyes.

* * *

That night; lying in bed with Sakura tucked up against him, he fought to go to sleep. It wasn't nightmares that plagued him but instead, regret. He couldn't get the image of Kurenai's happy family out of his mind. He suddenly realized just how lonely he was. Sakura was present but distant. They weren't at a place where he could show her all of his affections yet in fear it would chase her off. Just holding her at night felt heavenly but he knew it would come to a point where he would want more.

He already did.

His hand itched, restless to touch more than her hips. He wanted to lose himself inside her; could vividly remember what it felt like. He wanted that connection.

Sakura shifted in her sleep and he realized he had tightened his hold around her waist more tightly then he intended. He relaxed in arm and she sighed; burrowing her ass deeper into his groin. Kakashi barely contained the groan of pain/pleasure, squeezing his eyes shut.

* * *

Sakura ate her lunch in the park just down the street from the hospital. It was a nice change; albeit a little cold but she bundled tight against the weather; determined to get free air. Sitting at a bench, she unpacked her simple meal of white rice and beef soup. Plain but filling. She never really cared that much about food, eating only when she was hungry and small meats at that. Now that her stress level had descended somewhat, maybe she'd follow Kakashi's advice and gain some weight. She honestly hadn't noticed how thin she had gotten over these past years thinking her constant exhaustion was due to her work schedule. She hated cooking, rather liking when Kakashi used to take it upon himself to make all their meals. He was a good cook.

He was also a warm be partner. Sakura had somehow taken to sleeping with him each night; though she suppressed whether or not is was a good idea. It just felt too good being next to him. It almost felt like how it used to feel like; sharing an apartment, a bed. She knew he was awake when she left in the mornings and part of her wanted him to stop her; to force the conversation on where this relationship was going. But he would fake sleep and she would drag herself to work.

She hadn't partaken in any of the meetings involving Yamaguchi but Kakashi said there were not any new developments. She knew he felt useless; a shell of his former self but no matter how much she tried to assure him it would get better, he turned a deaf ear. She understood his frustration, being the Copy Ninja had been his life; his everything. Now he was suspended; earning no money, recovering from emotional and physical injuries; he didn't need Sakura screwing with him head on top of that. Every morning after a night spent in his arms, she'd wake up and fight a battle between guilt and happiness. The whole day, guilt won; it crippled her, but by evening all of that would be forgotten and she'd find herself back in the bed again.

It was harmless, she told herself; nothing more than innocent cuddling between two consenting adults. He never hinted to her that he was looking for anything more but he was a man, he had needs. Hell, she was in the same boat. It had rejuvenated her to get some release; days spent at the hospital were just a little less stressful. She even on occasion found herself smiling at patients or taking a coffee break with some of the girls. Things the younger Sakura would have done; before the bullshit of the past 4 years.

With a sigh, she decided that it was time to get back. She packed up her food and stuffed into her lunch bag. As she walked through the halls of the hospital, heading towards her office, Aiko stopped her. The girl had blood splatter all over the front of her uniform, and a linen towel in her hands which she used to wipe off the blood.

"Haruno-san; I just finished doing open heart surgery on Mr. Matsu. I wanted to tell you that everything went fine, I know he's a close friend to your family." Aiko replied; eyes bright with pride at her work but tired with the amount of energy used to achieve it.

"Yes, he was on my father's team back in the academy." Sakura could remember being held in the friendly man's arms as a youth. Mr. Matsu was always around for dinner and he even helped to train Sakura when he had a free moment. She had fond memories of the man and was happy to hear he was doing great. She'd make a note to stop by and see him later in the afternoon.

"Thank you, I'll be expecting your report by tonight." Aiko nodded her agreement and turned to head back down the hall.

What happened next was almost in slow motion. All that Sakura remembered was her eyes blinking once, twice and then an extremely loud BOOM destroyed her ear drums and a force the strength of a tsunami took hold of her body and flung it like a rag doll up clear off the ground and slamming her into the wall. Her world went black and she remembered nothing after that.


End file.
